I quite like Twilight. I don't love it and don't hate it, I just accept its there and think its good at what it does.
To be clear I can only judge the films as I've not read the books. I found myself defending the series today after some friends were talking about how shit the it all is.
I think its a bit unfair to call a film series shit without seeing them fully. 21 year old guys isn't the films target demographic so its obviously not going to appeal to us just by the trailers and clips. To call something shit just because its not aimed at you is like calling Pingu terrible. And why the hell would you do that.
'Oi Chris, I have actually seen a bit of them and the acting is so shit! They can't act'
Are they though? I don't remember anyone coming out of Harry potter and the Goblet of Fire saying 'oosh that Robert Pattinson (sorry if that's spelt wrong, its because I don't care) is a terrible actor'.
Same with Adventureland with Kristen Stewart. She gets criticised for her lack of facial expression and such but I've never found myself asking myself what emotion she's trying to portray. Certainly not the best actress in the world but nowhere near as terrible as people say.
And Taylor Lautner in Abduction, I....
Okay fair play with that one.
But the point is for anyone over 16 its not a series to be taken seriously. Sit down to Twilight film thinking 'I want to be intellectually enlightened' and it'll be a miserable few hours. Go in knowing its not aimed at you and that its just a bit of fun and you'll have an alright time, I did anyway.
Something I'd actually say I really like about the films is the music. It always goes with the feeling of the films and some of the songs are genuinely great. Just look at Neutron Star Collision by Muse- its fantastic. I thought about buying the soundtrack to Breaking Dawn part one after hearing the credit music. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mX_Z75-4Kbg - perfect
'All that's rubbish, I hated Adventureland and that Muse song with shit, moo moo moo mooo'
Don't watch Twilight then! For every Twilight film there's 10 others about CIA agents or arty indie films about complex camera work and shots that appear to be completely random.
Those films aren't for me just like Twilight may not be for you.
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Thursday, 22 March 2012
This Sausage Could Kill Your Children
It was the moment I uttered 'what is the target demographic of your sausage' any dignity I still had melted away.
I study journalism at RGU and today I had my first Press Conference where some PR students pretended to be Asda and a Sausage Company and us journalists had to ask why their meat was killing children.
I was fairly stoked, suited and booted with my team 2 hours before it even began. I thought there may be an issue when I realised the chance of innuendo was pretty high with all this talk of sausages but as soon as we got going the immature side of my head switched off.
It was down to business, filling notebooks with scribbles I knew kinda looked impressive and journalismy (the irony of me using the word journalismy while studying journalism is another level of irony).
At 4pm the PR people came and it was like nothing I'd experienced. People already uncomfortable in suits squirming even more uncomfortably when they were asked questions they had no answers for. Fellow journalists getting cut off mid sentence by a no-shit PR student who would beat any one of us down (ooh err missus) if we spoke out of line. Journalists getting carried away and demanding the PR students ,who had most likely had a night in exo the night before and were heading to their part time job at Costa after class, admit the blood of these imaginary people were on their hands.
It was awkward and tense with an air of passive aggressiveness throughout.
A dream situation.
There were some truly incredible quotes. The reply to my previous sausage question was 'anyone who enjoys a delicious pastry and meat snack' or something similar. The same guy just minutes later came out with 'I have a degree in micro-biology' to which his mates at the back just roared with laughter, bringing the whole room back to reality.
You could tell the PR class had been given lines to say to make us look stupid.
'How many of the casualties are children?' I ask the doctor on the panel feeling chuffed. This is my chance to turn the story into something else, blaming the company for killing children..
'As said previously we cannot disclose information about the casulties'
'As said previously'
Basically 'What I'm going to do is make it look like you haven't been listening and say this has already been addressed. Fuck you Chris Martin from Channel 5 News. Fuck you.'
We got to interview them after which was less fun, then headed down to Asda to see how close we could get to the store without security telling us we couldn't film.
Twas a character building experience. The finished article will probably look quite good with quotes about hard facts and such.
What I'm looking forward to more is the outtake reel. The look on the Uni Technicians face when he dropped his phone, fecking up every ones sound is one I would save as my laptop screensaver if I could.
I study journalism at RGU and today I had my first Press Conference where some PR students pretended to be Asda and a Sausage Company and us journalists had to ask why their meat was killing children.
I was fairly stoked, suited and booted with my team 2 hours before it even began. I thought there may be an issue when I realised the chance of innuendo was pretty high with all this talk of sausages but as soon as we got going the immature side of my head switched off.
It was down to business, filling notebooks with scribbles I knew kinda looked impressive and journalismy (the irony of me using the word journalismy while studying journalism is another level of irony).
At 4pm the PR people came and it was like nothing I'd experienced. People already uncomfortable in suits squirming even more uncomfortably when they were asked questions they had no answers for. Fellow journalists getting cut off mid sentence by a no-shit PR student who would beat any one of us down (ooh err missus) if we spoke out of line. Journalists getting carried away and demanding the PR students ,who had most likely had a night in exo the night before and were heading to their part time job at Costa after class, admit the blood of these imaginary people were on their hands.
It was awkward and tense with an air of passive aggressiveness throughout.
A dream situation.
There were some truly incredible quotes. The reply to my previous sausage question was 'anyone who enjoys a delicious pastry and meat snack' or something similar. The same guy just minutes later came out with 'I have a degree in micro-biology' to which his mates at the back just roared with laughter, bringing the whole room back to reality.
You could tell the PR class had been given lines to say to make us look stupid.
'How many of the casualties are children?' I ask the doctor on the panel feeling chuffed. This is my chance to turn the story into something else, blaming the company for killing children..
'As said previously we cannot disclose information about the casulties'
'As said previously'
Basically 'What I'm going to do is make it look like you haven't been listening and say this has already been addressed. Fuck you Chris Martin from Channel 5 News. Fuck you.'
We got to interview them after which was less fun, then headed down to Asda to see how close we could get to the store without security telling us we couldn't film.
Twas a character building experience. The finished article will probably look quite good with quotes about hard facts and such.
What I'm looking forward to more is the outtake reel. The look on the Uni Technicians face when he dropped his phone, fecking up every ones sound is one I would save as my laptop screensaver if I could.
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
The Mysterious Village of Bussy St. George
For a while me and my family went to Paris more or less every year and by Paris I mean Disneyland. We tried the city of Paris a few times and I'm sure my Mum and Dad kinda enjoyed it. But for 14 year old Chris Space Mountain was always going to win against the Eiffel Tower.
'To get away from all the kids at Disney' in my Dad's words (read 'to save money'), we stayed at a little French village called Bussy St George about 10 minutes away from the parks by the French Underground. When you read 'French Village' you get an image of a leafy cobbled street with a patisserie on the corner and a bereted man playing an organ outside a cheese shop (verging on racism? or just French things?)
Bussy St George is actually more or less a modern ghost town. Everything looks brand new and sandy in colour. Theres monuments and little green areas, occasional cafes and sandwich shops. But there dosn't seem to be anyone there to use them, its fairly eerie to walk around.
Our hotel, a French Premier Inn type place, was in this huge grand building with a 3 storey sculpture of a naked woman on the front with 1 storey boobs. She looked out this big plaza with little stone balls and a fountain. If you looked not so far into the distance you could see at least 100 cranes (machines, not birds. That would be awesome though). It gave the impression that maybe this area wasn't quite fully built; like we were trialling the buildings for the first time. The French were letting us Brits test it for safety perhaps before they moved in.
Our hotel was relatively uneventful other than you shock you got every so often when you were met with a life size figure of a black guy in a suit playing a trumpet. I wanted a photo with him so much but for some reason one was never taken. Holiday ruined.
The other thing I remember about the hotel was the hilarious engrish on the restaurant menu. You could have a delicious 'slab' of beef or 'a bit' of chicken. I also remember eating that 'bit' of chicken then riding Star Tours about 20 minutes after. C3PO was very nearly projectile vomited on.
The highlight of Bussy St George was, by 100 miles, the lake. It looked quite normal and uneventful through the day and when you walked past. But go back in the evening with a bag of croissants and it turned into something awesome. First you'd see something bob in the water and disappear. You'd then see that something make a pattern on the surface of the water as it swam towards you. This was quite creepy the first time we didn't know what that something was. It eventually reached the shore though and revealed itself to be some kind of awesome beaver.
More beaver like creatures would appear until lake was completely beaver-packed. They'd circle you and demand you fed them croissants, hissing in anger when you ran out or gave to rival beavers. We found out when we got home they were coypus, but at the time they were definitely beavers. Am i saying beaver again and again just because I smile as I write it each time? Maybe. Beaver.
Maybe it was the coypus that drove all the people away from Bussy St George. Lucky for us we had enough croissants to feed them until we left. For a full time resident though I'm not sure how long you could keep giving up croissants until the Coypus took full control.
'To get away from all the kids at Disney' in my Dad's words (read 'to save money'), we stayed at a little French village called Bussy St George about 10 minutes away from the parks by the French Underground. When you read 'French Village' you get an image of a leafy cobbled street with a patisserie on the corner and a bereted man playing an organ outside a cheese shop (verging on racism? or just French things?)
Bussy St George is actually more or less a modern ghost town. Everything looks brand new and sandy in colour. Theres monuments and little green areas, occasional cafes and sandwich shops. But there dosn't seem to be anyone there to use them, its fairly eerie to walk around.
Our hotel, a French Premier Inn type place, was in this huge grand building with a 3 storey sculpture of a naked woman on the front with 1 storey boobs. She looked out this big plaza with little stone balls and a fountain. If you looked not so far into the distance you could see at least 100 cranes (machines, not birds. That would be awesome though). It gave the impression that maybe this area wasn't quite fully built; like we were trialling the buildings for the first time. The French were letting us Brits test it for safety perhaps before they moved in.
Our hotel was relatively uneventful other than you shock you got every so often when you were met with a life size figure of a black guy in a suit playing a trumpet. I wanted a photo with him so much but for some reason one was never taken. Holiday ruined.
The other thing I remember about the hotel was the hilarious engrish on the restaurant menu. You could have a delicious 'slab' of beef or 'a bit' of chicken. I also remember eating that 'bit' of chicken then riding Star Tours about 20 minutes after. C3PO was very nearly projectile vomited on.
The highlight of Bussy St George was, by 100 miles, the lake. It looked quite normal and uneventful through the day and when you walked past. But go back in the evening with a bag of croissants and it turned into something awesome. First you'd see something bob in the water and disappear. You'd then see that something make a pattern on the surface of the water as it swam towards you. This was quite creepy the first time we didn't know what that something was. It eventually reached the shore though and revealed itself to be some kind of awesome beaver.
More beaver like creatures would appear until lake was completely beaver-packed. They'd circle you and demand you fed them croissants, hissing in anger when you ran out or gave to rival beavers. We found out when we got home they were coypus, but at the time they were definitely beavers. Am i saying beaver again and again just because I smile as I write it each time? Maybe. Beaver.
Maybe it was the coypus that drove all the people away from Bussy St George. Lucky for us we had enough croissants to feed them until we left. For a full time resident though I'm not sure how long you could keep giving up croissants until the Coypus took full control.
Sunday, 18 March 2012
Do You Fancy a Fox?
Something I've never really understood is when a company 'sponsors' a TV show. Like for the Simpsons it was always 'The Simpsons, sponsored by Dominoes Pizza'. How do you sponsor a TV show? To me sponsoring means giving someone money if they manage to achieve something like run a marathon or something. Are Dominoes giving the people who make the Simpsons pizza as a reward for showing it? It's what I assumed happened when I was younger.
To my understanding 'sponsoring' something means to splash your logo over another product. I can kind of see how this works in theme parks, the Pepsi Max Big One being a prime example. When people talk about their holidays and show photos the Pepsi name gets shared. A bit pointless seeings as everyone knows what Pepsi is anyway but still, it spreads the word.
Then we get to TV shows. As I write this I'm watching Deal or No Deal and there's a new insurance company who have slapped a mini-advert at the beginning and end of every break. Its 2 people opening Deal or No Deal boxes with a scenario in one and the insurance company in the other. It's not the worst but still totally pointless. The fact I can't even remember the name of the company shows this. I'm sure it took a team of people to come up with that and many man hours were spent coming up with how they could make the mini-adverts memorable. So what they've done is show more red boxes being opened after 15 minutes of people opening other red boxes. Genius.
As the break finished I can confirm the sponsors are More Than. Just in case that was bugging you.
Before I get onto the Foxy Bingo fox I'm trying hard to remember other 'sponsored by' ads that were good or memorable but I physically can't. They are that forgettable. Sonic sponsored the Simpsons for a while which was just footage of the game, 118 sponsored Lost forever with the un-funniest adverts I've ever seen. It was just the moustached guys hiding behind chairs in silence and things, it just left you hating the huge sky1 adverts even more.
Another confusing one is the Toyota Aygo adverts on T4 which accompany The Simpsons and Big Bang Theory. A barrage of metal ball things cascade down a street or car park then one turns into a car. What? Also T4s main fan base is teens and mid 20 year olds, a Toyota Aygo is hardly the first car they would want to buy.
And now the Foxy Bingo Fox. It seems to alternate with that awful other sponsor of the Jeremy Kyle Show of fat woman at a swimming pool being as a funny as clowns at a funeral. Who came up with the Foxy Bingo Fox?
'Right guys, our mascot needs to be like a fox, but have the body of a human. He also needs to have a strong northern accent and say things totally out of context nothing to do with bingo. 'You're the one that I want' for example, 'do you fancy a fox?' That'll get people to sign up!'
Do you fancy a fox? What does that even mean. Is he referring to himself in 3rd person? Is Fox supposed to sound like fuck? Both? It makes so little sense.
At least its memorable. Last year I signed up for a free trial of Foxy Bingo so it must work on some level. Or maybe I'm just an idiot.
I really don't think sponsoring a TV show will sell you more of a product. I'd happily sit through a 30 second advert for Sonic Generations than see 5 seconds of it at the start and end of the Simpsons. In the world of advertising it just makes no sense.
To my understanding 'sponsoring' something means to splash your logo over another product. I can kind of see how this works in theme parks, the Pepsi Max Big One being a prime example. When people talk about their holidays and show photos the Pepsi name gets shared. A bit pointless seeings as everyone knows what Pepsi is anyway but still, it spreads the word.
Then we get to TV shows. As I write this I'm watching Deal or No Deal and there's a new insurance company who have slapped a mini-advert at the beginning and end of every break. Its 2 people opening Deal or No Deal boxes with a scenario in one and the insurance company in the other. It's not the worst but still totally pointless. The fact I can't even remember the name of the company shows this. I'm sure it took a team of people to come up with that and many man hours were spent coming up with how they could make the mini-adverts memorable. So what they've done is show more red boxes being opened after 15 minutes of people opening other red boxes. Genius.
As the break finished I can confirm the sponsors are More Than. Just in case that was bugging you.
Before I get onto the Foxy Bingo fox I'm trying hard to remember other 'sponsored by' ads that were good or memorable but I physically can't. They are that forgettable. Sonic sponsored the Simpsons for a while which was just footage of the game, 118 sponsored Lost forever with the un-funniest adverts I've ever seen. It was just the moustached guys hiding behind chairs in silence and things, it just left you hating the huge sky1 adverts even more.
Another confusing one is the Toyota Aygo adverts on T4 which accompany The Simpsons and Big Bang Theory. A barrage of metal ball things cascade down a street or car park then one turns into a car. What? Also T4s main fan base is teens and mid 20 year olds, a Toyota Aygo is hardly the first car they would want to buy.
And now the Foxy Bingo Fox. It seems to alternate with that awful other sponsor of the Jeremy Kyle Show of fat woman at a swimming pool being as a funny as clowns at a funeral. Who came up with the Foxy Bingo Fox?
'Right guys, our mascot needs to be like a fox, but have the body of a human. He also needs to have a strong northern accent and say things totally out of context nothing to do with bingo. 'You're the one that I want' for example, 'do you fancy a fox?' That'll get people to sign up!'
Do you fancy a fox? What does that even mean. Is he referring to himself in 3rd person? Is Fox supposed to sound like fuck? Both? It makes so little sense.
At least its memorable. Last year I signed up for a free trial of Foxy Bingo so it must work on some level. Or maybe I'm just an idiot.
I really don't think sponsoring a TV show will sell you more of a product. I'd happily sit through a 30 second advert for Sonic Generations than see 5 seconds of it at the start and end of the Simpsons. In the world of advertising it just makes no sense.
Saturday, 17 March 2012
The Swarm- A Nerdgasmic Opinion
It's hard to fully judge a roller coaster without riding on it but by the looks of things The Swarm is incredible.
For all the non-coaster people (if you are one I feel you're reading the wrong post) The Swarm is Thorpe Park's latest roller coaster. Its a Europe's tallest wing-rider, meaning the cars hang at the sides of the track on both sides as opposed to on top or underneath.
Seems like roller coaster designers have put cars on all possible sides of the track now. We'll have trains inside the track next...yeah they exist too, heartline coasters from roller coaster tycoon exist in Japan.
That's the good thing about the roller coaster industry, there will always be innovation and new ideas like this.
But I digress, The Swarm is set in a nicely themed apocalyptic area with smashed up vehicles and a plane crash. It's a bit dark, with the crashed plane only miles from Heathrow and actors appearing in casts and wheel chairs every so often. But that’s Thorpe Park, it's not for kids anymore.
The first drop looks insane. It hangs riders upside down 120 ft in the air before plummeting all the way to the ground and under a stupidly tight headchopper. Where most theme parks only rely on over the head restraints as an emergency safety precaution, a lot of rides at Thorpe Park rely on them. It’s an entirely different feeling knowing you're upside down on a rollercoaster being held in by your shoulders restraints than the world spinning round you quickly as you're held into your seat with gravity. The fear level is far more intense.
I've been told there are huge pockets of G force around the ride as well which is exciting. My favourite bit of a coaster ever is that tight helix on Nemesis where you're forced hard into your seat. I really hope the Swarm can come close to recreate that feeling.
Everything about it screams quality. The huge thick track and extensive theming is like something out of Universal Studios. They've even implemented a water splash feature like Sheikra or Manta in Florida and this is a nice touch. Thorpe isn't trying to out innovate the big American parks but it can sure as hell try to be as good as them.
It'll be a while til I get to ride it but I look forward to the day I do.
Thorpe Park- thank you for continuing to deliver solid - hardcore roller coasters.
For all the non-coaster people (if you are one I feel you're reading the wrong post) The Swarm is Thorpe Park's latest roller coaster. Its a Europe's tallest wing-rider, meaning the cars hang at the sides of the track on both sides as opposed to on top or underneath.
Seems like roller coaster designers have put cars on all possible sides of the track now. We'll have trains inside the track next...yeah they exist too, heartline coasters from roller coaster tycoon exist in Japan.
That's the good thing about the roller coaster industry, there will always be innovation and new ideas like this.
But I digress, The Swarm is set in a nicely themed apocalyptic area with smashed up vehicles and a plane crash. It's a bit dark, with the crashed plane only miles from Heathrow and actors appearing in casts and wheel chairs every so often. But that’s Thorpe Park, it's not for kids anymore.
The first drop looks insane. It hangs riders upside down 120 ft in the air before plummeting all the way to the ground and under a stupidly tight headchopper. Where most theme parks only rely on over the head restraints as an emergency safety precaution, a lot of rides at Thorpe Park rely on them. It’s an entirely different feeling knowing you're upside down on a rollercoaster being held in by your shoulders restraints than the world spinning round you quickly as you're held into your seat with gravity. The fear level is far more intense.
I've been told there are huge pockets of G force around the ride as well which is exciting. My favourite bit of a coaster ever is that tight helix on Nemesis where you're forced hard into your seat. I really hope the Swarm can come close to recreate that feeling.
Everything about it screams quality. The huge thick track and extensive theming is like something out of Universal Studios. They've even implemented a water splash feature like Sheikra or Manta in Florida and this is a nice touch. Thorpe isn't trying to out innovate the big American parks but it can sure as hell try to be as good as them.
It'll be a while til I get to ride it but I look forward to the day I do.
Thorpe Park- thank you for continuing to deliver solid - hardcore roller coasters.
Sunday, 11 March 2012
Donald Trump
I have only recently become aware of Donald Trump. And as soon as I saw him in action on the Apprentice USA I've got to say I'm a fan.
I'm not sure what it is about him that I like but I really don't see why he has so many enemies. Hes like a powerful blonde turtle with a comeback for everything. Think your being smart- BOOM- he's shot you down. He's not a misery like Alan Sugar either. He's a laugh and very rarely wears a frown.
Without sounding supa-gay I think I'm attracted to the power. When you see all the hotels and resorts and shizz Trump owns it is fairly impressive. The fact people are protesting him building an incredible golf course and casino in Balmedie angers me. He's Donald frickin Trump! He knows what hes doing.
I'd like to see the point he looked at Balmedie beach- the bunkers, the playpark with the wooden boat with the slide coming out the hull - and thought 'yeah we could build that here'. It'll put Aberdeen on the map as a 'not so bad' place to live.
So he's a bit cocky- thats fair. I can't imagine him being quiet modest though. If that was the case the Apprentice most likely wouldn't exist and he'd stop at just 'a few' millions instead of the expanding and making billions.
My girlfriend told me the year before I started at uni- the man himself was in the building I go to every day at RGU to receive an award. She was literally feet away from him and didn't care at all.
I'm not sure what I would have done in her situation. Wooped in celebration at his presence? Try to score a cheeky autograph? Would he do that?
More likely I'd have sat there in quiet appreciation. Money and power doesn't always make you a dick. I feel Donald Trump proves this.
I'm not sure what it is about him that I like but I really don't see why he has so many enemies. Hes like a powerful blonde turtle with a comeback for everything. Think your being smart- BOOM- he's shot you down. He's not a misery like Alan Sugar either. He's a laugh and very rarely wears a frown.
Without sounding supa-gay I think I'm attracted to the power. When you see all the hotels and resorts and shizz Trump owns it is fairly impressive. The fact people are protesting him building an incredible golf course and casino in Balmedie angers me. He's Donald frickin Trump! He knows what hes doing.
I'd like to see the point he looked at Balmedie beach- the bunkers, the playpark with the wooden boat with the slide coming out the hull - and thought 'yeah we could build that here'. It'll put Aberdeen on the map as a 'not so bad' place to live.
So he's a bit cocky- thats fair. I can't imagine him being quiet modest though. If that was the case the Apprentice most likely wouldn't exist and he'd stop at just 'a few' millions instead of the expanding and making billions.
My girlfriend told me the year before I started at uni- the man himself was in the building I go to every day at RGU to receive an award. She was literally feet away from him and didn't care at all.
I'm not sure what I would have done in her situation. Wooped in celebration at his presence? Try to score a cheeky autograph? Would he do that?
More likely I'd have sat there in quiet appreciation. Money and power doesn't always make you a dick. I feel Donald Trump proves this.
Saturday, 10 March 2012
Cinema Idiots
Those about to read this post expecting me to rant about people who talk through films and take their loud children into films like War Horse, this post is not about them. That rant will come under a title 'Cinema C**ts'
In this post I am addressing people who see comedy films and don't quite understand where its funny. This results in an incredible display of full grown adults laughing at random at whatever comes on screen and also silence whenever theres a piece of witty dialogue.
For some films I'm sure that's fair game if the humours quite subtle, not everyone will get it. The examples in which I've seen this happen however are unbelievably basic. For example case 1:
Johnny English: Reborn
I shit you not. I saw this film at 9 in the evening, not a kid to be seen in the cinema. It was at this screening I first saw this phenomenon take place. There was a line "Ah the Rolls Royce, the Rolls Royce of automobiles' - funny dialogue! Not earth shattering but enough to register a bit of laughter from me and my friend. The WHOLE AUDITORIUM didn't bat an eyelid. Right over their heads.
Later in the film Johnny English fell into a skip- a scene obviously for children. But no-riotous laughter and even some applause. Its hard to understand why comedians do so well when surely a circuses would please crowds more.
I understand I'm coming across a bit snooty here. You must remember I enjoy seeing films like this- basic humour is great as long as its also quite witty. None of this could be found in case 2
Journey 2 - The Mysterious Island
Another kids film I saw at near the same time. More or less all the humour was kid based and was enough to raise half a smile at best. The couple beside us however were not aware of this.
Screaming with laughter at any mention of toilet humour. I'm not even exagerating when I say screaming- it was as if the man int he couple had been told the funniest joke known to man or had been sprayed straight in the face with laughing gas.
I forget his name but there was a character in the films who was the source of the toilet humour jokes. He quickly became the main character of the film as every single word he said or expression he made resulted in this couple falling of their chairs in fits.This isn't even slapstick anymore- its making funny faces. Humour most popular with infants and babies.
At least they paid attention to the film unlike the guys I encountered in case 3
This Means War
A light hearted movie in which 2 spys compete for a woman's love. Humour ranged from the relationship and dialogue between characters to basic slapstick which as always got the biggest laughs.
What amazed me about this film was that people just didn't know when it was supposed to be funny. A guy gets hit in the penis with a paintball, obviously meant for laughs- people laugh. A man gets shot and a table is thrown over...more laughter? People seem to think when they see a 'comedy film' every single bit should be funny. There is no way the people laughing would laugh at this scene if it was in an action film.
The most basic answer to why are they laughing is they assume its supposed to be funny, don't get but don't want to look stupid so laugh anyway- therefore looking stupider in the process.
I don't hate these people but I am quite amazed by them. They could possibly run films with a laughter track so these poor souls at least know when things are funny. Then all us intelligent people could watch films ultra snootily, turning our noses up at any sign of witless humour.
To clarify I am not a cinema snob- this from a man who saw The Smurfs, Spy Kids 4 and Alvin and the Chipmunks 3 last year
In this post I am addressing people who see comedy films and don't quite understand where its funny. This results in an incredible display of full grown adults laughing at random at whatever comes on screen and also silence whenever theres a piece of witty dialogue.
For some films I'm sure that's fair game if the humours quite subtle, not everyone will get it. The examples in which I've seen this happen however are unbelievably basic. For example case 1:
Johnny English: Reborn
I shit you not. I saw this film at 9 in the evening, not a kid to be seen in the cinema. It was at this screening I first saw this phenomenon take place. There was a line "Ah the Rolls Royce, the Rolls Royce of automobiles' - funny dialogue! Not earth shattering but enough to register a bit of laughter from me and my friend. The WHOLE AUDITORIUM didn't bat an eyelid. Right over their heads.
Later in the film Johnny English fell into a skip- a scene obviously for children. But no-riotous laughter and even some applause. Its hard to understand why comedians do so well when surely a circuses would please crowds more.
I understand I'm coming across a bit snooty here. You must remember I enjoy seeing films like this- basic humour is great as long as its also quite witty. None of this could be found in case 2
Journey 2 - The Mysterious Island
Another kids film I saw at near the same time. More or less all the humour was kid based and was enough to raise half a smile at best. The couple beside us however were not aware of this.
Screaming with laughter at any mention of toilet humour. I'm not even exagerating when I say screaming- it was as if the man int he couple had been told the funniest joke known to man or had been sprayed straight in the face with laughing gas.
I forget his name but there was a character in the films who was the source of the toilet humour jokes. He quickly became the main character of the film as every single word he said or expression he made resulted in this couple falling of their chairs in fits.This isn't even slapstick anymore- its making funny faces. Humour most popular with infants and babies.
At least they paid attention to the film unlike the guys I encountered in case 3
This Means War
A light hearted movie in which 2 spys compete for a woman's love. Humour ranged from the relationship and dialogue between characters to basic slapstick which as always got the biggest laughs.
What amazed me about this film was that people just didn't know when it was supposed to be funny. A guy gets hit in the penis with a paintball, obviously meant for laughs- people laugh. A man gets shot and a table is thrown over...more laughter? People seem to think when they see a 'comedy film' every single bit should be funny. There is no way the people laughing would laugh at this scene if it was in an action film.
The most basic answer to why are they laughing is they assume its supposed to be funny, don't get but don't want to look stupid so laugh anyway- therefore looking stupider in the process.
I don't hate these people but I am quite amazed by them. They could possibly run films with a laughter track so these poor souls at least know when things are funny. Then all us intelligent people could watch films ultra snootily, turning our noses up at any sign of witless humour.
To clarify I am not a cinema snob- this from a man who saw The Smurfs, Spy Kids 4 and Alvin and the Chipmunks 3 last year
Monday, 5 March 2012
Muffin Defence
There's very few games less addictive than a tower defence game. For those not aware, a tower defence game is one in which you have a base to defend from enemies. To do this you put things like guns and monkeys between the base and the enemies to stop them reaching it. Its simple and addictive like a tray of fresh muffins.
I love tower defence and there was a time at school I got just a tad obsessed. The other good thing about them is they tend to be free flash games so your losing hours of your life totally free of charge.
Today I bought Dillon's Rolling Western, a super original tower defence game on the 3DS eshop. Initially it looks like Gorons from Zelda- The Game, which is awesome enough as it is. You roll about and smash into things for cash and then defend your fort from giant rocks and thats all fine and dandy, But with that cash you build towers, thus transforming into a tower defence game- thus making it as awesome as that previous tray of muffins. THUS.
There's so many possibilities for what can be in a TD game and developers have seen this, often ranging from the predictable monsters attacking castles to the awesome balloons attacking monkeys, with darts (bloons tower defence 4, play it now).
It gave me a few ideas for some possible TD games based on situations I have come across in life.
Champagne Defence
I used to work fancy dinners at the Aberdeen Exhibition and Confrence Centre and most would start with a drinks reception. This would involves a tirade of suits heading towards tables of champagne - and as you can see thats an obvious basis for TD game. The less complimentary champagne put out, the less the poor oil compnay has to pay.
You could buy poor purple tied teens to get in the way of the champagne and spill drinks on the floor.
Pipers could be bought to lead over excited bosses and their wives away from the tables and to the paid bars.
A technique used by the AECC themselves was to block the tables with staff who would usher them further into the room. This would only last until you could send the staff out with trays and get the piper ready however. Even with a blockade of S6 Oldmachar and Bod pupils the champagne never lasted for long...
Muffin Defence
I always tend to neglect muffins when they're in the house. They just don't seem as exciting as a danish pastry or doughnut. They're just kind of there. Hence muffin defence. With your funds you'd have to buy a steady flow of pastries and cakes more exciting than the muffins. The level would be hardest at night when most of the food has been eaten and its either muffins of fruit.
Those are the only 2 ideas i've realised.
And all that trying to think of more ideas has made me lose my train of thought so i shall leave it there. Shall head off and have a muffin if all the oreos are gone.
I love tower defence and there was a time at school I got just a tad obsessed. The other good thing about them is they tend to be free flash games so your losing hours of your life totally free of charge.
Today I bought Dillon's Rolling Western, a super original tower defence game on the 3DS eshop. Initially it looks like Gorons from Zelda- The Game, which is awesome enough as it is. You roll about and smash into things for cash and then defend your fort from giant rocks and thats all fine and dandy, But with that cash you build towers, thus transforming into a tower defence game- thus making it as awesome as that previous tray of muffins. THUS.
There's so many possibilities for what can be in a TD game and developers have seen this, often ranging from the predictable monsters attacking castles to the awesome balloons attacking monkeys, with darts (bloons tower defence 4, play it now).
It gave me a few ideas for some possible TD games based on situations I have come across in life.
Champagne Defence
I used to work fancy dinners at the Aberdeen Exhibition and Confrence Centre and most would start with a drinks reception. This would involves a tirade of suits heading towards tables of champagne - and as you can see thats an obvious basis for TD game. The less complimentary champagne put out, the less the poor oil compnay has to pay.
You could buy poor purple tied teens to get in the way of the champagne and spill drinks on the floor.
Pipers could be bought to lead over excited bosses and their wives away from the tables and to the paid bars.
A technique used by the AECC themselves was to block the tables with staff who would usher them further into the room. This would only last until you could send the staff out with trays and get the piper ready however. Even with a blockade of S6 Oldmachar and Bod pupils the champagne never lasted for long...
Muffin Defence
I always tend to neglect muffins when they're in the house. They just don't seem as exciting as a danish pastry or doughnut. They're just kind of there. Hence muffin defence. With your funds you'd have to buy a steady flow of pastries and cakes more exciting than the muffins. The level would be hardest at night when most of the food has been eaten and its either muffins of fruit.
Those are the only 2 ideas i've realised.
And all that trying to think of more ideas has made me lose my train of thought so i shall leave it there. Shall head off and have a muffin if all the oreos are gone.
Saturday, 3 March 2012
Ponies and me
I am a Brony and have been for a good few monthes now. This means I am into My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic. Reading this will either get one of two reactions. The less common is 'oh em gee! Me too! BRO HOOF' and the more common is 'wut? you kidding?'.
It's hard to sum up why I, along with so literally milions of other adults love this show. I'm not even sure why I like it myself. I first became aware of MLP on memebase where the characters from the show were in about 9 of every 10 posts for about 3 weeks. Not wanting to miss out on the joke I youtubed it and was met with what appeared to be a very childish girly show.
From what I hear this was the norm for many bronies. I watched the first 2 episodes and could kinda see the appeal; its a two part story set up a bit like a videogame. Each pony used their talents to get past villains on the way and it ended in a boss 'fight'. The following episodes however didn't really follow that line at all and were just stories of how each pony leanrt something by getting into some situation.
It was by episode 7 I started to get confused why I was still watching episode after episode. This show obviously wasn't meant for me.
And it is now at this point I compare My Little Pony to Toy Story.
I will assume you like Toy Story, most people do. But imagine most people didn't. Imagine Pixar was a very little known company hardly anyone had heard of and you went and saw any of the three films. The humour isnt aimed at you, the subject matter dosnt relate to you as you don't play with toys- its a kids movie. But you love it because it is so well done. Imagine telling a friend who had never seen Toy Story what it's about.
'It's about these toys that come to life and this cowboy doll gets jealous of a space-man doll'. It'd sound weird and childish.
Well its exactly the same with MLP. The target audience isnt adults but it's so well done it attracts them anyway. They even throw in occasional jokes and refrences just like pixar aimed at adults.
The characters are all interesting and have their own personalities and backgrounds. The stories are always entertaining and never feel like we're being forced to learn something. And the whole thing looks so damn colourful it's just great to watch.
Each episode is only 22 minutes long as well so its hardly even a commitment. Its just a nice happy escape into a story with what become familiar characters.
The only way to fully understand is to watch it. Like most people you'll get confused at first but you'll most likely end up coming back for more. For me it started just so i could understand some memes. But then after every episode a whole batch of memes would make sense and become funny. The Brony community is a great one with hours and hours of fan content to look at if you want more from the show.
In short- liking My Little Pony FIM is not weird and you can't call it weird unless you give it a good go.
Imagine calling someone who just watched Toy Story weird for liking it. What a silly person you would feel after watching.
Love and tolerance people. Love and tolerance.
It's hard to sum up why I, along with so literally milions of other adults love this show. I'm not even sure why I like it myself. I first became aware of MLP on memebase where the characters from the show were in about 9 of every 10 posts for about 3 weeks. Not wanting to miss out on the joke I youtubed it and was met with what appeared to be a very childish girly show.
From what I hear this was the norm for many bronies. I watched the first 2 episodes and could kinda see the appeal; its a two part story set up a bit like a videogame. Each pony used their talents to get past villains on the way and it ended in a boss 'fight'. The following episodes however didn't really follow that line at all and were just stories of how each pony leanrt something by getting into some situation.
It was by episode 7 I started to get confused why I was still watching episode after episode. This show obviously wasn't meant for me.
And it is now at this point I compare My Little Pony to Toy Story.
I will assume you like Toy Story, most people do. But imagine most people didn't. Imagine Pixar was a very little known company hardly anyone had heard of and you went and saw any of the three films. The humour isnt aimed at you, the subject matter dosnt relate to you as you don't play with toys- its a kids movie. But you love it because it is so well done. Imagine telling a friend who had never seen Toy Story what it's about.
'It's about these toys that come to life and this cowboy doll gets jealous of a space-man doll'. It'd sound weird and childish.
Well its exactly the same with MLP. The target audience isnt adults but it's so well done it attracts them anyway. They even throw in occasional jokes and refrences just like pixar aimed at adults.
The characters are all interesting and have their own personalities and backgrounds. The stories are always entertaining and never feel like we're being forced to learn something. And the whole thing looks so damn colourful it's just great to watch.
Each episode is only 22 minutes long as well so its hardly even a commitment. Its just a nice happy escape into a story with what become familiar characters.
The only way to fully understand is to watch it. Like most people you'll get confused at first but you'll most likely end up coming back for more. For me it started just so i could understand some memes. But then after every episode a whole batch of memes would make sense and become funny. The Brony community is a great one with hours and hours of fan content to look at if you want more from the show.
In short- liking My Little Pony FIM is not weird and you can't call it weird unless you give it a good go.
Imagine calling someone who just watched Toy Story weird for liking it. What a silly person you would feel after watching.
Love and tolerance people. Love and tolerance.
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