5 Jobs I Actually Wouldn't Mind Doing part 3 - Trucker

I might not look like your stereotypical trucker but I think I have certain qualities that would make me suitable for the job. I realise that would be perfect line to start my CV if I for some bizarre reason go down this career path in life.

An image of possible future me sitting on my massive fuck off truck

Driving a lorry. It doesn't sound that exciting until you notice there are at least 3 TV shows on at the moment that deal with the very subject. Ice Road Truckers, Holy Truck! It's Eddie Stobart The Show [I forget it's actual name so that'll do for now] and my personal favourite- Shipping Wars on History.

When their lorries aren't veering off the road or missing deadlines to dramatic music it otherwise just looks so relaxing. Just you, your truck and the open road for miles and miles. I find the trip between Aberdeen and Edinburgh exciting enough- the ripple of excitement as you pass Stracathro services or the Horn.  The tense lane change as you enter Dundee, contemplating whether to stop at Tesco Extra for a sandwich or just carry on. Being a lorry driver would be that but all the time and up and down the entire country. A road trip that is kind of your whole life.

There's also the customisation of the cabin. Cabin. that's probably the word. The place where the driver sits. You often see massive Scotland flags draped across the back wall and little mascots on the dashboard. My cabin would be ridiculous. The Hylian Crest from Zelda would be the entire back wall. As many of the first 150 pokemon as I could fit would be crammed onto the dashboard with an ever changing light show constantly happening all around. Here's what I feel it would look like. At this point I remind you I did an entire module on Photoshop last year.

A Friday night's work ladies and gents

But where will I sleep on these long journeys? There's the next exciting part, you get to camp out all the time- in your truck! My family used to have an awesome Voltswagen campervan that we went round Britain in so it'd be like a throwback to those good old days. Sure I wouldn't be staying in a cosy little campsite in Southsea with a little swimming pool and arcade but once I was down for the night it'd feel the same probably. Then in the morning I'd wake up, drive to the nearest Metro for a full English breakfast and be on my way. I can honestly think of worse holidays- and this is a full time job.

There is the crushing loneliness but apparently you get a thing called a driver's mate who gets paid to sit and chat with you as you drive around the country. I might change this entire blog post to Part-3 Drivers Mate. You get paid to just sit back and talk shit as you see the countryside fly by. Would suck if the person you were stuck with were horrible but imagine if they were good banter. Time would fly by.

Also fact fans- Alan Carr was once a driver's mate, I read it in his book. Or maybe Peter Kay's. Either Alan Carr or Peter Kay have at one time been a driver's mate.

In an ideal world I'd have my own truck and be one of the guys on Shipping Wars, that TV show I mentioned before. If you haven't heard of it the basic premise is a few truckers bid to transport a load from one part of America ton another. Whoever is willing to do it for cheapest gets to travel across America with the shipment and get paid for it- what a job!

Can't even tell if this is shopped, they've shipped weirder things

Being a TV show the loads tend to be interesting rather than saaaaay a palette of canned foods that needs to be transported from Asda in Grimsby to Asda in Cardiff. They get camels and go karts and such like. I'd love to look after a camel for a few days, would be great fun I'd imagine. And the person shipping the item usually gets to have a play with the item they're shipping as well. One guy transported a dance machine across the country for example and got to have a go on it when he got it to the destination. I'm just thinking how weird it would be if the Royal Mail had the same policy, after the postman drops off your new copy of Mario Kart he comes in and plays the Mushroom Cup with you.

And there it is, an entire blog post about trucking without mentioning dogging once, other than this sentence here.

Sure it'd be lonely, cramped and repetitive but there's something weirdly appealing about driving up and down the country for a living and if for some reason I ever own a massive truck I'll consider it as a career option.

Film Reviews: http://elephantchrisfilmreviews.blogspot.co.uk/

The Grand Film Adventure- 36-40

A very mixed bag these last 5. And hey only 10 left! There will come a time soon where there'll be no more posts of me talking about old films you've probably seen so just prepare yourself for that.
The five films I talk about this post are:

The Never Ending Story
The King's Speech
Reservoir Dogs
Braveheart
Dead Poets Society

The Never Ending Story
Just what the hell was that? I mean really for something quite mainstream The Never Ending Story has some seriously weird stuff in it. It makes Labyrinth look like Schindlers List. Probably. Never seen it.
I thought I knew where it was going. The boy would read the book and he'd meet fantasy characters that mirrored those in his real life. Nope- just a bunch of unrelated characters who were creepy just for the sake of it. I realise none were even memorable because the only one I can think of is the giant rock guy that served no purpose whats so ever.
It was an adventure and I can see how it'd maybe hold a child's attention for a bit while at the same time mentally scarring them but at the same time it's like the whole story was visioned up by one as well. There was a bit where he had to walk between two big statues that might zap him? It was like a child describing a nightmare he'd just had.
There's the dragon and the song which is what everyone remembers. To be honest if you took that bit out where he's flying about on the dragon and 'THE NEVER ENDING STOOOORRRRYYY AAHAAAHHA' is playing nice and loud and made it music-video sized the film would've done the same job in terms of her memorable it was and saved me 87 minutes.
Sorry if this ruins anyone's childhood memory of this film. I just really disliked it.
It also ends with words along the lines of 'then a load of other stuff happened before he went home'. Then the credits roll. Just what.
4/10

The King's Speech
Wasn't too interested in this until it got compared to The Iron Lady in the way it's a British drama about a powerful figure aimed at the over sixties market. It's a genre I've found out I quite like and this film kinda confirms it.
Every award Colin Firth won for this film was well deserved. I felt so sorry for him the whole way through, even when he was being a royal cock to his similarly well acted speech therapist. I can understand how some people called it a little boring but it was never supposed to be Fast And The Furious 5. It was a look into the life of a huge historical figure. And it was heartfelt and very touching- just like Maggie T's film.
My favourite part was when King Albert/Edward VI [for all you history fans] is introduced to the speech therapists wife. The look of complete confusion and bewilderment on her face is fantastic.
A very nice uplifting film. And her from Outnumbered is in it as well. Not given as many funny lines but she's there none the less.
A strong 8/10.

Reservoir Dogs
I finished watching this film thinking it was alright, not fantastic, just alright. Something strange has happened since watching Reservoir Dogs and writing this however. I like it a hell of a lot more now than I did just after watching it for some reason. Maybe it was because it was so good in comparison to Braveheart [more on that soon] but every time I think of it I just think 'yeah that was a really good film'.
Needlessly disturbing in parts I thought. That's my main criticism-  sure it's memorable but when the cop is tied to the chair and Mr.Blonde is wandering round him with a knife- it unnerved me more than I like to feel when watching a film. Especially in time to Stuck In The Middle With You or whatever the songs called.
I never really understood why people go on about Quentin Tarantino dialogue but now I kinda do. It's believable, like the conversations people actually have. Not sure they need giant extended scenes to themselves but for some reason they stick. Why do I still know that Mr.Pink doesn't like to tip? I don't know, but I do.
Also comes in at ninety minutes- perfect film length.
8/10

Braveheart
Sorry all of Scotland, I wasn't a fan of this at all. I should maybe be more patriotic but the sad truth is I'm just not. If anything I was siding with the English through most of it.
Perhaps the biggest problem I had with it was the Chris Martin favourite- the silly near 3 hour long length. I suppose if it's based on actual events in history they can only compress it so much. But the thing is, I hear it's not. A lot of it is made up or changed for the purposes of cinema so if they're changing history about already why not make the film shorter as well?
There wasn't a single memorable character and I didn't care who died in the half impressive if needlessly violent battle scenes. They made the English overly posh and snooty while making the Scots all loud and what I'd call 'lad-ish', showing their arses and shouting when they got onto the battlefield. The aim was to get you on Scots side as nobody likes a well spoken posh person but I just ended up disliking the Scots more. It was like watching Road Wars where the makers of the show tried to get you on the side of the drunken twat with his trousers down in the middle of the high street.
There are worse films out there but I just found it all a bit dull for a big budget historical epic.
A generous 6/10.

Dead Poets Society
A strange one this but fairly enjoyable, especially near the end.
A bit full of itself for it's own good but on the whole quite touching. All the aforementioned snooty English people from Braveheart are here but in younger form and they get taught by Robin Williams about how to take life by the reigns and live life in the moment! By kinda teaching them poetry.
It's nice seeing the boys start to loosen up and see there's more to life than doing exactly what their Dads tell them to do. Robin Williams puts on a good performance as well and it's not too hard to see why the class end up liking him so much.
It has a bit of Catcher In The Rye feeling really, the boys fed up with life and wanting to do something about it.
The big 'event' in the movie a bit sudden and almost out of nowhere but the direction the film takes after it really makes it something special. You see how the boys have changed and how what Robin Williams has taught them has changed them. I've always wondered why the 'Oh Captain My Captain' scene is so famous but I can see why now. It's quite moving. Not Les Miserables moving but moving none the less.
8/10

I review films now also- here's the link
http://www.elephantchrisfilmreviews.blogspot.co.uk/

5 Jobs I Actually Wouldn't Mind Doing part 2 - Jockey

I'll be honest, I have this image in mind. 

Being Link from The Legend of Zelda isn't really a job though so being a jockey is the next best thing. 

I've always quite fancied horse riding. Again this is based solely on playing Zelda, riding across Hyrule Field shooting arrows at monsters and taking Moblins off giant warthogs with my sword. Same in Red Dead Redemption, there's something just very satisfying about riding a horse full pelt across a big area of land. It feels like that in video games anyway so it's presumably exactly the same in real life. 

I'm also kinda the right height to be a jockey although its perhaps the only profession where I'd be one of the taller people there. I would also need to lose a bit of weight so the horse isn't all weighed down but I'd just make sure the horse I rode was a big strong one like the one from Animal Farm that gets turned into glue in the end. Spoilers btw. 

Then there's the whole race aspect which is hugely exciting. When I watched the Grand National this year I just thought how great it must feel to be that jockey leading the pack feeling smug as hell as he crossed the finishing line. The closest feeling I can imagine to it is being on the winning train on the Grand National roller coaster in Blackpool and I can assure you that's a satisfying feeling. 

The Grand National at Blackpool has more in common with the real Grand National than you might think. There's the obvious race similarity, the ride is probably just as rough as actually riding a horse for 20 minutes and judging by Blackpool's track record with their health and safety there's quite a high chance of death as well. 

Riding a horse- basically the same as going on this ride

You're not just racing for a laugh either. You ride in the knowledge that 1000s of people have bet money on you to win and if you do you've made their day. You've ruined everyone else's day who didn't bet on you but it's best not to think about them- the people who believed in you are being rewarded. 

You get to create a bit of a brand for yourself and your horse as well which could be fun, choosing your colours and stuff. A bit like Pimp My Ride but with horses. I understand the jockey isn't usually the one who owns the race horse, it's usually some millionaire who owns it just because, but I'm sure the jockey must have some say in the matter. I wouldn't be too excited about wearing the bright colours you see the jockeys wearing but everyone else riding would be wearing stupid colours as well so you wouldn't feel too bad. It'd be like at a nudist beach when you forget you're naked because everyone else is as well. Not that I've ever been to an nudist beach. 

You'd get to hang out at the race course when you weren't riding too which I think just looks great. All that over the top poshness and women in ridiculous hats. John Mccririck from Celebrity Big Brother would be there to provide a bit of a laugh and then you'd pop up to the channel 4 studio and have a chat with Clare Balding. Living the good life. 

I'd be rubbing shoulders with high society like this

I'd try and form a strong bond with my horse as well just like Link and Epona or Attreyu and his horse in The Never Ending Story, even though he only rode him for like 3 minutes in the film [more on that next Grand Film Adventure post]. I dislike that so many horses are given ridiculous names that make no sense. My horse would be called something awesome. The favourite in this year's Grand National was called Sea Bass- why?! How could someone possibly call their horse Sea Bass and think 'yeah that's a good name, very horse like, connotations of speed there'. 

So in short- racing would be exciting, I'd get to hang out with posh people and form a bond with a horse. Sounds pretty good to me. 

The Grand Film Adventure- 31 - 35

I went off track with the list for a while but that's 5 more films seen. If anyone can help me out with obtaining Silence of the Lambs, Fantasia, Blade Runner, Dead Poet's Society, The Big Lebowski or Pulp Fiction it would be appreciated. 
Films I'm discussing this post are:
Ferris Bueller's Day off
Die Hard
Batman [1989]
Inception
Ghostbusters

Ferris Bueller's Day off
I expected American Pie in the 80s and what I got was Saved by the Bell. Not that this is a bad thing at all, it was just something totally different from what I thought it'd be. I thought it was enjoyable enough but for all it's referenced and talked about I didn't find it that funny.
It was fun to see what they got up to on their day off but it kinda reminded me of that episode of Hey Arnold when they bunk off school, go on a little adventure and then everything returns to normal. Ferris Bueller's Day Off is that episode of Hey Arnold spread over ninety minutes.
 Maybe I'm being harsh. It could possibly be because I found Ferris Bueller quite unlikable. I couldn't really relate to him, even my sixth year self. He was just a little too smug for my liking. Especially on the cover of the DVD. 
The film is noted for it's constant breaking of the 4th wall which brings you closer into the film but since then it's been done quite a few times like in the aforementioned Saved by the Bell. Aforementioned ladies and gentlemen- possibly the longest word I know. 
A fun little ride, half nostalgic to being sixteen, I'd give it a 7. 

Die Hard
The film that started this list. If I had a penny for every person who's said 'you've never seen Die Hard?!' in my life I'd have a good 7p or something. But now I have. And it was pretty good. 
People call it the pinnacle of action movies and I suppose they have a point, it does sum up the action movie genre. Guns are fired, bad guys get shot, explosions happen and Bruce Willis is pretty badass throughout. 
The thing I remember most from this film is Alan Rickman. I've only ever seen him in Harry Potter so was good to see him in something else. He does a very good job of being a villain. 
Compared to Die Hard 5 that just came out this film is fantastic. I really got behind John McClane in this first film and wanted him to succeed. In Die Hard 5 I couldn't care less. 
Have an 8 Die Hard for being so good in comparison. 

Batman 

Another Tim Burton film, the third and final one on the list. And I gotta say he's disappointed me a little, Edward Scissorhands is a world away from everything else I've seen. 
I enjoyed Batman, it was very enjoyable little ride. Its just a shame that Batman has been done much better recently both in film and game form. 
As much as I'm not the Dark Knight's biggest fan I can still appreciate that it's a much deeper complex film than this and it makes it more compelling to watch. I feel the Batman series needs that very dark element to it to set it apart from other super hero films and the Christopher Nolan trilogy kinda nailed it. This Batman seems a little more light-hearted and just not as interesting to watch. Not saying it's bad but this is just a good film- the Nolan films are seen as masterpieces. 
It does feel more like the Arkham games which is also unfortunate again as I see them as near perfect. Nicholson as the joker is great but I kept thinking how much better the joker in the games is. It's wrong to keep constantly comparing but that's what my brain kept doing. 
Without this film I doubt both the films and games would have existed however. This is when Batman was finding itself, halfway between the silliness of the sixties TV series and the ultra-dark n' deep world of the Dark Knight. 7. 

Inception
I have a problem. I have no idea how to handle this...what are these things anyway? Mini reviews?
Inception is a film you really need to pay attention to. Some say you need to watch it at least twice to even half understand whats going on. I saw it half in the background while playing Candy Crush Saga. And the worst bit? I've not even seen the end. Technically it shouldn't even be on here yet but the film is like 2 and  a half hours long- i'll talk about what I saw.
Cool shit. That's what I saw for the most part. Cool shit and a load of speaking which might as well have been in Russian. What is a totem? Why can they all go into each others dreams? I should have really paid attention.
The first bit when they're escaping the dream that ends with Leo Di Caprio almost getting drowned was very clever- I half understood what was going on there. Every time their dreams changed depending on what was going on in the real world was verah nice.
Then there was that really quite incredible fight scene when the van was rolling. That's what I remember when I think of Inception. None of the story- just that really really cool bit there.
This is the first film I can't honestly rate- it doesn't seem right. I might put it on the next film list as well so I can watch it properly.

Ghostbusters
The theme tune is now playing in your head. The music is more memorable than the film which is never the best sign.
Another 80s sorta-family film that plays around with the sometimes good, sometimes hilarious special effects of that time. It was good fun, all the ghostbusters were goofy and likable. I got a little confused with the story, folks getting possessed and ghosts popping out of places for no apparent reason. But the story wasn't really the point. The point was to show antics. Zapping marshmallow men with ray guns, running away from a hilarious CGI dog thing, show some cool spooky stuff that will likely traumatize children.
It passed really quick for me which is always a plus. There was never a point I felt like it dragged and the zaniness kept coming scene after scene.
I believe the film is so popular due to the song but maybe I missed something deeper. I  give it a 7.

Only 3 more posts like this and it'll be all done! Can't say I'm enthused about some of the films I've not seen yet but lets hope they surprise me.

The Stages of Drunkeness

And so sober April begins.

Various circumstances have led to this month becoming dry. I'm not a massive drinker but I enjoy the occasional beverage...

 ...okay a few beverages, but it's not like every night. The last week however there's been a few quite big nights in a row and I think I need a break from them. I've found I go through various levels of drunk and each night I've aimed for the elusive 'stage 5' of drunkenness. What are these 5 stages I hear you wonder? Find out here!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmpArv4odno

Just kidding- Here are the 5 stages of Chris Martin drunkenness

1.The Awkwardly Sober

We're 1 or 2 drinks in and I'm still very aware of my surroundings. I'm aware of the massive drunken guy at the end of the bar being a bit rowdy and also aware of the fact my shirt sleeves keep unravelling so they are uneven. When I meet new people there's the usual awkward small talk of every day life, "been up to much today? hows uni? etc etc". If the night out isn't livening up I start to regret the few drinks I've had. What if someone needs a lift somewhere later? I won't be able to give them one. The thought of a club just now repulses me. This has all been entirely unnecessary...

2.The Everything Is Starting To Feel Kinda Awesome

Ah well they'll just have to walk, I'm on the way to drunkenness now, might as well keep going. Plus conversations are starting liven up a bit, everyone in the room has become a little more interesting. I wouldn't usually tell the story about how I secretly despise someone at work in as much detail [theoretically speaking here] but hey, YOLO and all that. I think we should definitely buy more drinks and toast to that and make sure people around us see us having a good time. I'm feeling very comfortable with my bezzer mates here and who knows; might go to a club later. Nothing big though, just a night out between good friends...

3.The Whole World Now Needs To Liven Up And Get Smashed

...And this guy! How awesome is this guy! He's being as drunk and lively as us, lets involve him in everything we do until the end of the night! Who'd have thought it was the same guy at the end of the bar I was avoiding at the beginning of the night? Did someone say headstand? Fuck yeah I can do a headstand! EVERYONE WATCH AS I DO A HEADSTAND. Oh I've fallen over! Loool! Tequila everyone! I'm buying! Let's dance and have the best night of our lives...

4.The Crushing Come-Down [bypassed sometimes by more alcohol]

What is life? I don't even like this music, I was just dragged here by people. And look at them over there all having a good times, stop it and be miserable. I might go home now, what's the time? Could maybe get a taxi, just a few more drinks...

5.The 'Stage 5'

I could try to write this from first person but sadly I can't as I'm not sure what's going through my head at this point. I just know it involves moving violently around to music, spouting complete shit and being a complete nightmare to anyone who isn't quite as drunk as me. Drinks prices become non-existent, that vodka coke could have cost £12 and I'd have happily walked away with whatever change I got from the fresh £20 I received from the extortionate 'Pay to Withdraw' club ATM.  Every song is amazing and I will dance to it as if it's the best song I've heard in my life.
The best thing about Stage 5 is that whatever arse-ery I get up to I only remember it in little bits. Plus it feels awesome at the time and you get a lovely deep sleep after it.
You just have to deal with the world-ending hangover the next day.

The famous bus hangover of January 2013

Not every night follows this pattern of course. Ideally I want to stop near the end of Stage 3 when everything is really great. Stage 5 should be kept for really big events. There is of course Hogmany as well where you could argue the golden stage six is introduced but that's best not to think about.

Sadly all of this drains the funds and ruins my body for at least a day so it's best to keep my drinking to short-bursts. March was a one off. April will be a time to build funds and recuperate before I can enjoy a small tipple again in May.

This will probably be bullshit however so expect me to cave to a Campus pub-quiz by the 8th.

5 Jobs I Actually Wouldn't Mind Doing part 1

I'll get back to the film list eventually, I pramiss.

After the news days I did as part of my journalism course I'm thinking more about what life will be like after uni. The prospect of news days every day isn't a bad one but I can't help but think about other jobs, some totally unrelated to journalism, I quite like the look of. Jobs that for a lot of people don't look all that special.

I'm not classing money as an important factor here- if I did I'd currently still be doing Chemical Engineering, rolling around in a bed of £20 notes on an oil rig somewhere.


1. Paparazzo

How Society Sees it - Intrusive horrible men with cameras who invade innocent people's privacy constantly

How I see it- Ahmagad! Celebrities! Lets take photos of them :D

This is the only job in which a journalism degree may help. However I was surprised when we read a feature in Uni about a writer who wrote a horrible article about a paparazzo who was made out to be a terrible pervy man just because he loved taking photos of celebrities. Ron Gallela if you're wondering.

Celebrities need photos taken of them- it comes with the celebrity status. If you're a big figure in the public eye I feel you should expect to live your life in view for people to look at. People are interested in who you are and what you do in all aspects of your life- its a paparazzo's job to document it.

I don't see why celebrity gossip is any less important than other articles in the news. Writing that feels wrong but I'm definitely more interested in what film stars have been up to at after-award parties than what George Osbourne has been doing with the budget. Call it less newsworthy but that's just what I'd rather read about and see pictures of.

I also feel it'd be a bit like Pokemon Snap- and I love Pokemon Snap. You're spot on the red carpet is more or less the same as the game apart from instead of photographing Pikachus and Bulbasaurs you're photographing Paris Hiltons and Johnny Depps. And instead of scoring meaningless points for your perfect picture of Snorlax at a great angle you score actual cash from magazines for your picture of Lisa Riley from a great angle. I must point out the choice of pokemon and celebrity there are purely coincidental.

I also get star struck when I see famous people so it'd be a bit of a constant buzz. Like the feeling at a gig right before the band come on and that weird surreal feeling when they appear in front of you in person.

My first instance of this was Cameron from Big Brother 4 at the new year party at the Castle Gate at the top of Union Street. A memory that will stay in my heart forever.

There is the argument of how far is too far with celebrity photography. The image of 100 men trying to get a photo of a celebrities pants [or in Britney Spears case- vagina] as they leave a car for example is pretty grim. Is that right? It is someones daughter after all, and you're squatting down with your camera zoomed in praying for a crotch shot.

To add to my earlier point though- these people are celebrities. They should expect photos to be taken of them. So when leaving a car they should prepare for it and for gods sake wear some underwear. I think if saaaaaaaay Taylor Swift gets trashed and flashes her pants while leaving a car that's a newsworthy story. People love seeing celebrities at their worst, it makes the public feel a little bit better about not being as rich and famous as them.

So Heat if you're browsing random blogs that get a hefty 70 views per post I'd love to come in for an interview. All you have to do is provide me with a camera and nice central London location to stay in. Tickets to film premiers and celebrity parties will be part of the job I'd imagine.

Paparazzi. Not respected by society but one hell of a career [probably].

The Best Bar To Ever Exist

It's late, I'm bored and my mother has about 10 middle aged women getting smashed in the house. Time to write a blog about literally anything.

What about that incredible bar JPs from about 3 and half years ago?

If you started uni at Aberdeen in 2009 you'll probably remember JPs as being the only bar in the city for about a month.Other bars just didn't compare. It was ridiculous, fish bowls were about £3, everyone danced on tables from about half 8 onwards, literally no one was ID'd and not a single fuck was given- it was amazing. 

Kinda sad the logo features 'established 2009 when it's the same year it died

It might not be too ideal now, what with the waves of under-agers and studenty students studenting up the place but when you're 18 it was ideal. University starts at the stupidest time when half your friends are underage so it was nice to have somewhere where everyone could get in no questions asked. It's weird to think of a 17 year old being only a year younger than you in town and you not really noticing. I'm so old :( . 

Everyone always seemed really up for going totally nuts, no matter how early in the night. I remember a group of about 10 girls being asked to stop dancing on the high bar tables and the staff clearing room on a slightly lower table so they could dance there instead. This was at about half nine at night. 

My finest hour was getting up on a pool table, by myself, and dancing to Flo-Rida's Low as people cheered. Ordinarily this would get you kicked out of a normal bar but at JPs it was met with applause and 'what the fuck are you doing Chris?' from people who knew me. Nothing more.

One of my oddest memories was a large bald guy standing on the stage [well, a raised piece of ground at the back of the bar] and blowing a huge ball of flame just inches over the heads of everyone dancing. And nothing was said about it- there was a cheer and the party continued. I think this may have happened a few times, it was bizarre

Probably the same guy who goes round bars almost setting folks on fire

. 
Beer towers. The only time I've ever seen multiple beer towers being sold in a bar was at JPs. For those unfamiliar a beer tower is basically a beer tap attached to a a 3ft tower of beer, quite self explanatory. You don't exactly see that in Revolution. Sure it ain't too classy, guys lying down underneath it as a half yard of Tennents is poured down their throat but the weird thing was inititally JPs didn't attract the wrong sort of crowd.  It was stuff like that that set it apart from the Union- the other student bar. They sold crazy stuff like that and booze was still unbelievably cheap. 

It was all going so well. At freshers week it was so much fun- every themed night everyone turned up in full fancy dress. There was karaoke and the sonic animated series on TV and it felt like you could stay there all night, it was a bar-club hybrid. For weeks after it was still the go-to place for nights out. 

So where did it all go wrong? 

Possibly 60p vodka-mix week. It was then I noticed JPs had gained a few more undesirable fans...

These guys were sitting at the table next to us

JPs got kinda well known for it lack of age checking and they tried to shed this reputation. Instead of the high five you'd usually receive at the door with an accompanying 'GET TRASHED TONIGHT LADS OK?!' you'd get an arm in your chest and a giant security guard grunting at you for ID. With that it lost the neds but also half it's customers, 17 year old students who couldn't drink anywhere else. 

After that JPs started to give up a little. They kept talking about re-doing the whole place [about 2 months after it opened] but it never happened. People got less excited about it and instead of me dancing to Flo-Rida on the pool table actual games of pool were played. 

I remember my friend being really stoked to go to JPs for his first night out in town after all he'd heard about it- the beer towers, the table dancing, the madness. What he got when we arrived were about 20 people in there drinking regular price drink with zero atmosphere. Was sad really. 

After that it just disappeared. It did stay open for about a year longer but then people just stopped going and it closed without anyone properly realising. Apparently it got tunred into something called Sanctuary and was recently a Polish bar but they've both closed down too. My friend was saying the building must be cursed. 

JPs will always be my favourite bar though. The closest thing we have now is Campus but I don't think it'll ever have the mad atmosphere JPs- the king of bars- once had.