Driver Idiots

11 hours til my politics exam. Time for a blog about driving I think.
My post about cinema idiots was labelled a bit condescending. People can laugh in films if they want is the general view, even at bits at aren't funny. I'd disagree after watching Dark Shadows with a woman who almost wet herself when Johnny Depp violently killed 9 construction workers but what's funny to some people may not be funny to others.
Driving idiots is something we can all agree on though I feel. Surrounding yourself with a car makes you invincible apparently, allowing you to start fights with literally anyone you want with no fear of them opening your 2 inches of door and slapping you round the chops.
I understand not everyone has chops (jowels being another word for them) but two men I've come across who have been driver idiots had jowels in abundance. The type of face that if you slapped it, it wouldn't stop wobbling til the next day. Like a jelly in an earthquake.

Force Pushers
There's a junction near my house that takes a while to cross. Twice I have looked in my rear view mirror to see said joweled wankers raising their hands, trying to push my car with the force from Star Wars into the line of oncoming traffic.
Why do they do this I've wondered? To show me that they're impatient? That I should be turning into the side of the unavoidable truck passing both of our cars? Or are they actually hoping that the great God of Star Wars will bless them with the force for this particular situation.
After about 20 seconds they'll then throw they're hands down while swearing at themselves in their car. I like to imagine they do this every time they stop the car. At lights for example I can imagine them calling the green man a fucking c*nt and forcing the lights with their mind to change. They'll then arrive at their destination 20 seconds earlier, but will take 20 further seconds to exit their cars due to being so fat and pompous.

I'm not slagging fat people here. I'm slagging fat people who drive like assholes.

Indicator Forgettors
Forgettors being a word here. How does a person forget to indicate? You get taught it in your first driving lesson and do it in every other lesson as well. Again its a time where the car gives people special powers, in this case telepathy. They assume that because of the way they are driving and way they look you know they're about to slow down suddenly and take the next right. Known indicator forgettors should be forced to be hooked up to a mic system that shares their thoughts with other road users so if the car in front of you is blaring 'I AM HUNGRY' you should be wary that the car is likely to turn into the next mcdonalds or kfc .
The machine would also share the drivers most embarrassing thoughts to everyone too as punishment for being such a driver wanker.

Tailgaters
I don't understand why it's called tail gating. What is gating? Its not a thing. And cars do not have tails.

People Who Drive Very Closely Behind You
Muuuuuch better. People like to drive really close behind you when they feel you are driving to slow. Driving really close behind you is their answer to speeding you up, even though if you do they'll just speed up as well to show you how impressive they are.
To stop them I'd like to write in tiny writing on the back of my car 'I'm prone to stopping abruptly, especially when people scare me by driving really close'.

Pointless Overtakers
The ones that pass you like Toad from Mario Kart after you've been hit with a red shell, often because you've slowed down slightly to turn. They must think in their heads 'NOWS MY CHANCE! PASSS HIIIIM!' and swerve their cars round to again arrive at their destinations a good 3-4 seconds ahead of schedule.

Another notable mention is everyone in multi-storey car parks. 'They're not real roads though so its fine' says  the guy as he speeds up to 40 mph in Union Square, drifting round various shopping trolleys and children going to the cinema. 'Just drive how you like!'

These people are hilarious. Hilarious but sad.
You can give them the middle finger but I find a thumbs up and a smile is more effective.

New Highscore!

The videogame stereotype.
I just watched an episode of Desperate Housewives (yeah I'm a fan, wanna fight about it?) and was a bit irritated when I saw MJ, the little boy in Desperate Housewives playing a videogame. What was displayed was the entire screen filled with a cross hair and sound effects blaring out the screen that I'm pretty sure were from space invaders.
I dislike how videogames are portrayed on TV and films nowadays. I even hate the word videogame, what is a video-game. When i think of video I think VHS and someone mindlessly trying to ram a playstation controller into a VCR because they want to 'play' their Lion King tape.
Computer game is even worse. Games played on computer- fine. But a playstation game isn't a computer game- as there is no computer involved in playing it. Plus it makes it sound devastatingly nerdy. For example-
I like to hang out with friends and play games
I like to hang out with friends and play computer games
Which of those statements sounds nerdier? Which of those statements came from Gordie from Sabrina The Teenage Witch and which sounds like you or a friend's facebook profile? Exactly
I can't think of a better name however. Games I think works. Some things are more game like than others- calling Skyrim or Zelda 'just a game' for example is like calling World War 2 'just a disagreement'.
Other stereotypes shown on TV shows where videogames are present.
Throwing your controller round your head while playing as if actually avoiding obstacles and such.
No one has ever done this. I remember my friend tilting the controller slightly while playing Super Mario Kart when we were like 8 but otherwise it doesn't happen. When you go to see a film do you dive about avoiding whats going on on the screen? If you did people would think you were mental- because you probably are.
Videogames turn players into zombies that don't react at all when being talked to.
Unless you're my friend Martin this doesn't happen that often either. I'll only ignore my Dad when playing games because he will come in at precisely the moment when the important cut scene detailing what to do next plays. Again like watching a film- you don't want to miss the dialogue otherwise you won't have a clue whats going on.
Playing games requires the player to mash all the controllers buttons as fast as you can while wearing a look of intense concentration on your face.
Most games only really use 2 buttons at most frequently with a control stick. Mario - A, B and the D pad. Skyrim- control pad and the left and right triggers. The only exception would be beat em' ups which are only played properly when pressing all the buttons with your palm at once while swivelling round the control pad.
Highscores are hardly in games anymore also- or they are just usually ignored. Mario Bros has a scoring system for example but its totally ignored.
Its odd that games are portrayed like they were in the 1980s even though barely anyone owned a games system back then.
The next time it shows MJ playing a videogame in Desperate Housewives hopefully it'll be him sitting there relaxed, playing Red Dead Redemption with a badass look on his face.