Driver Idiots

11 hours til my politics exam. Time for a blog about driving I think.
My post about cinema idiots was labelled a bit condescending. People can laugh in films if they want is the general view, even at bits at aren't funny. I'd disagree after watching Dark Shadows with a woman who almost wet herself when Johnny Depp violently killed 9 construction workers but what's funny to some people may not be funny to others.
Driving idiots is something we can all agree on though I feel. Surrounding yourself with a car makes you invincible apparently, allowing you to start fights with literally anyone you want with no fear of them opening your 2 inches of door and slapping you round the chops.
I understand not everyone has chops (jowels being another word for them) but two men I've come across who have been driver idiots had jowels in abundance. The type of face that if you slapped it, it wouldn't stop wobbling til the next day. Like a jelly in an earthquake.

Force Pushers
There's a junction near my house that takes a while to cross. Twice I have looked in my rear view mirror to see said joweled wankers raising their hands, trying to push my car with the force from Star Wars into the line of oncoming traffic.
Why do they do this I've wondered? To show me that they're impatient? That I should be turning into the side of the unavoidable truck passing both of our cars? Or are they actually hoping that the great God of Star Wars will bless them with the force for this particular situation.
After about 20 seconds they'll then throw they're hands down while swearing at themselves in their car. I like to imagine they do this every time they stop the car. At lights for example I can imagine them calling the green man a fucking c*nt and forcing the lights with their mind to change. They'll then arrive at their destination 20 seconds earlier, but will take 20 further seconds to exit their cars due to being so fat and pompous.

I'm not slagging fat people here. I'm slagging fat people who drive like assholes.

Indicator Forgettors
Forgettors being a word here. How does a person forget to indicate? You get taught it in your first driving lesson and do it in every other lesson as well. Again its a time where the car gives people special powers, in this case telepathy. They assume that because of the way they are driving and way they look you know they're about to slow down suddenly and take the next right. Known indicator forgettors should be forced to be hooked up to a mic system that shares their thoughts with other road users so if the car in front of you is blaring 'I AM HUNGRY' you should be wary that the car is likely to turn into the next mcdonalds or kfc .
The machine would also share the drivers most embarrassing thoughts to everyone too as punishment for being such a driver wanker.

Tailgaters
I don't understand why it's called tail gating. What is gating? Its not a thing. And cars do not have tails.

People Who Drive Very Closely Behind You
Muuuuuch better. People like to drive really close behind you when they feel you are driving to slow. Driving really close behind you is their answer to speeding you up, even though if you do they'll just speed up as well to show you how impressive they are.
To stop them I'd like to write in tiny writing on the back of my car 'I'm prone to stopping abruptly, especially when people scare me by driving really close'.

Pointless Overtakers
The ones that pass you like Toad from Mario Kart after you've been hit with a red shell, often because you've slowed down slightly to turn. They must think in their heads 'NOWS MY CHANCE! PASSS HIIIIM!' and swerve their cars round to again arrive at their destinations a good 3-4 seconds ahead of schedule.

Another notable mention is everyone in multi-storey car parks. 'They're not real roads though so its fine' says  the guy as he speeds up to 40 mph in Union Square, drifting round various shopping trolleys and children going to the cinema. 'Just drive how you like!'

These people are hilarious. Hilarious but sad.
You can give them the middle finger but I find a thumbs up and a smile is more effective.