London 2012- Five Things I'm Looking Forward To

Sport-hating Chris looking forward to the Olympics? Too right he is!
Unlike football or rugby or any other vaguely popular sport I dislike, I've always enjoyed watching the Olympics. I know football is part of the Olympics but the joy of it is theres more than likely to be another sport happening at the same time, a ridiculous weird one I'm likely to enjoy.
Here are 5 things I'm looking forward to about the next 14 [I think] days.
I also just realised just then my number nine key is broken, hence the square brackets.

1.Flags
Every year the summer or winter Olympics are on I always discover a new country and feel a little bit smarter after. There's always a bit of excitement when next to Russia, Russia, China, Kenya, Russia and USA stands Mr. Tuvalu [actual country, just googled 'worlds smallest countries]. Its a learning experience, we find out snippets of information here and there about the world and then see them fight it out against each other to see who's better. Because knowledge is power!
I just really hope Bhutan win something so this flag of badassery can be hoisted up in the stadium

It's like something out of Skyrim

2. Underdogs

Leading on from the small unknown countries point, I always like backing the underdog team on the rare occasion I watch sport. It's not just the small countries I'll be backing, but also the countries that play sports that make no sense for them to be playing.

For example, Canadian Beach Volleyball, swimmers from landlocked countries like Chad or Zambia.

There's also always the gymnast who's just a little bit fatter than the rest or the diver who looks about 80 years old. These are all the people I'll be rooting for.

And I'll no doubt feel bad when cheering on the one white person in the 100m, not because I'm a villainous racist, just because they're the odd one out.

There she goes

3.Diving

Something actually sporty and fully Olympics related?! Yep, I'm a fan of the diving. I don't really care who wins or loses; it just looks very impressive and impossible. Its the one sport I watch, along with the gymnastics that makes me think 'how they doing that huuuh?' The fact someone has to win and lose annoys me. If I ran the Olympics everyone would win a medal for impressing me just a little bit and everyone would go home happy. It'd take the competitive element out but I'm sure everyone would still have fun. Like being at a circus or something, its just entertaining to watch.

4.Horsey Stuff

I like the equestrian events just because they look so out of place beside every other event, especially when you press the red button and see a man with a curly moustache trotting along next to 2 guys kicking the shit out each other in Judo and the physically exhausted faces of people finishing the 10000m below that. It's also a sport Britain apparently win a lot at, basically because most other countries can't afford it.

It's also quite majestic I think, I'm glad there's at least one animal event at the Olympics. I can see Elephant Polo being a hit at Tokyo 2020  [my six key has now broken as well otherwise that would've been Rio 201six]

Hyrule obviously sponsoring this particular match with the triforces in the background

5.Britain Cocking Things Up

I'm sure everything at London 2012 will run swimmingly. But there's a part of me that really hopes at least something, very British, goes wrong. I've heard the offroad BMX event is being held at a nearby farm so I'm just imagining cows and pigs escaping from pens, running between cyclists in panic.

I'm also imagining the swimming pool being too cold to enter or Fathers For Justice postponing track events sitting on top of the stadium roof dressed as Batman and Robin. I don't want anything serious obviously, just something that'll get a laugh.

 

'Thought I'd just stand up here and spectate k?'

That's it almost 5am now, thanks to my ricockulous sleep pattern, so that means the Olympics officially start in about sixteen hours. I won't catch the silly farm-style opening ceremony but I look forward to having the games on in the background as I play minecraft or something mildly more interesting

Jurassic Wedding

Aile. The following blog post does not imply I will be proposing soon. All this is just an awesome idea that I will insist on if I ever do.

I recently went to my first wedding! I have realised I could make some joke about having been to 4 funerals and a wedding but I won't, apart from in this sentence here.
The wedding experience was great fun, but I couldn't help but think what I'd do different at mine. The way the bride and groom had their wedding fitted them perfect, but for me, I feel my wedding could be a bit different. A bit themed. A bit..

Dinosaury

So here it is, a wedding I've thought about and discussed ith people over the last few days.

The Jurassic Park Themed Wedding

The wedding chapel (in a hotel or somewhere) would be totally jungle themed. It'd all be wooden benches and torches at the ends of each aisle.Guests would enter at the back through a massive Jurassic Park gate and sit on the benches. Select guests would be given small dinosaur puppets to hold like this one. Yes I realise I've never posted a picture before- I'm happy for this to be the first one though.

Once everyone is seated the gates would close and the lights would dim. Soft jurassic park music would start. To help you imagine this fully here is that music- I will be referencing it so please open
Jurassic Park theme
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8zlUUrFK-M

As the music hits the 0.49 mark the lights raise a little bit and the dinosaur actors start to come in from the sides, emerging from the trees. It wouldn't be people in like Barney costumes, that'd make the wedding tacky. I'm thinking more this

 

There is a man in there, you can kind of see his legs. Maybe two of these and an apatasaur head poking over the side, we don't want to go over the top here.
Just before the music hits 1.27, a spotlight beams down on a man dressed as Richard Attenborough (the old guy in the film who made the park) at the front of the hall and he loudly says 'Welcome...Miss (bride's name) to Jurassic Park!' and the gates swing open and her and her bridesmaids walk down the leafy aisle past the guests and their occasional dinosaur puppets. She would meet her groom at the top of the aisle and the wedding would be conducted by the man dressed as Richard Attenborough.

The service would be as normal with analogies to prehistoric times. A pterodactyl would swoop down from the ceiling and deliver the rings, the bride and groom would kiss and leave through the gates to more music. Before the everyone gets up to leave Richard Attenborough would notify guests that small dinosaurs need to leave first and would trigger leg ticklers on every ones seats like those in 3D theatres.

The wedding reception would look like this, the tables for the meal first then the dancefloor.

Maybe a bit more room for dancing on the dancefloor.

The meal would be chicken or burgers or something, not that important. For pudding though everyone would get dinosaur shaped sticky toffee pudding.

The wedding cake would be as normal but with 2 dinosaurs in a wedding dress and tuxedo at the top. Obviously.

Now I wouldn't be all selfish. I'd let my wife pick our first dance. However as it ended, red warning lights would flash everywhere. A voice repeating 'Warning! Subject 7 has been released' and suddenly a giant T-Rex would burst through the wall.

It would stop there though before 'Dinosaur' by Ke$ha  would start to play and everyone would get up to dance. An amazing dance party with a mix of guests and dinosaur actors would follow.

An absolutely perfect day.

I can't see why she wouldn't want it, but if my future wife didn't want this, please someone do it and invite me. It'd be T-Reffic.