Names

Following on from the slight controversy I caused last time I blogged I've decided this post will be  more light-hearted - presenting - My top 10 list of offensive names to call black people!
But not really
I'm kinda busy at the moment as unis back [for my 8 hours a week] and its the October holidays so I have ALL of the hours at work.
While I remember, if you fancy coming to see Madagascar 3 this week, please don't arrive 40 minutes early- as you will be 40 minutes early. If we let you through to the screen you will see the harrowing end of the movie where Ben Stiller the Lion dies in order to save the circus. Btw that's a spoiler. Maybe

It's tragic stuff, bring tissues

As well as working I've decided to start writing another story after the breakthrough success of my last one that was read by 2 people [thank you Matthew and Martin]. One of the biggest problems I'm facing is not how to create an interesting plot or the fact that no one will ever read the finished article- its naming the bloody characters.

Every name I think of is associated to someone I know and as soon as I start writing that name all I can think about is that person I know in real life. My protagonist has the same name as somebody I work with and they've just fully turned into that person, right down to the cineworld shirt and hat.

If anyone from work ever reads it I'll make sure to change the name so you can have fun working out who hes based on.



 

Dougie, it might be you



 

It's like when you start to think about what you'd like your children to be called. You can deny you've started to think about this but its a lie, everyone has.
Think of any name, right now. Saaaaaaay Michael. You are now thinking of at least 2 Michaels you know as well as the obvious celebrities eg Michael Jackson. Every time you call your baby son, for a while you'll just think of MJ staring back up at you, its tricky.

I stand by calling my children Pikachu and Jon-From-Big-Brother-4. I've said this since i was 12 years old and plan to stand by it.

I had this discussion with Aile a while ago [she's not pregnant and has no plans to be, justsayin] and she listed some names. As  she called them out I just thought of my class at school. The weird kid that hung around with all the first years even though he was 4th year, the giant wanker who stole my pokemon cards in p5, the boy who was sick in primary 2 and is now a junkie- she named them all.

You could always go for names that mean something. Like those books you get with all the baby names then a little made up description next to them.
That's total bullshit though because as the baby comes out you have no idea what traits that kid will have later on in life. Its particularly ironic when they do the opposite, my name for example apparently means 'Bearer of Christ' which is a giant lol.

David Cameron's name means 'beloved'. His parents obviously knew he'd be beloved by many when he became prime minister.
I was about to give descriptions of 'Sadam' and 'Adolf' as well but it kinda looked like I was putting them in the same category as Davey C. Which would be unfair [?]

The best a parent could do is call him or her 'Baby' or 'Cryer' as its accurate at the time. Pink's Mum and Dad probably had this logic when she was born.

'You want to call me what???'

I could try making up weird and different names for the characters in my book but then they'd just sound douchey. Its like when a friend says they've met someone called Cosmo or Arizonia. You've got the first impression right there- they're parents were obviously a bit mental and its probably rubbed off on them. If I call any of my characters Cosmo or Arizonia I'll have to write an entire back story of how their parents didn't love them.

To any Cosmos or Arizonias reading, I'm sorry. I'm sure you're a great person.

I'll end by saying I really don't think names should matter and just find it frustrating there's so few of them, that can be labelled socially acceptable anyway. I'd be fine with being born and given the name 'Guest 4508' or another randomised number like the people in Rollercoaster Tycoon.

When i finish my book, just know that if a character has the same name as you, everything about him or her is likely to be based on you.

Also sorry for the boring short title 'Names'. I was going to write 'The Name Game' but found myself hating myself for writing it. Names felt short and sweet, much like myself- or that dwarf that keeps getting BBC3 specials made about her.

Her