The Best Bar To Ever Exist

It's late, I'm bored and my mother has about 10 middle aged women getting smashed in the house. Time to write a blog about literally anything.

What about that incredible bar JPs from about 3 and half years ago?

If you started uni at Aberdeen in 2009 you'll probably remember JPs as being the only bar in the city for about a month.Other bars just didn't compare. It was ridiculous, fish bowls were about £3, everyone danced on tables from about half 8 onwards, literally no one was ID'd and not a single fuck was given- it was amazing. 

Kinda sad the logo features 'established 2009 when it's the same year it died

It might not be too ideal now, what with the waves of under-agers and studenty students studenting up the place but when you're 18 it was ideal. University starts at the stupidest time when half your friends are underage so it was nice to have somewhere where everyone could get in no questions asked. It's weird to think of a 17 year old being only a year younger than you in town and you not really noticing. I'm so old :( . 

Everyone always seemed really up for going totally nuts, no matter how early in the night. I remember a group of about 10 girls being asked to stop dancing on the high bar tables and the staff clearing room on a slightly lower table so they could dance there instead. This was at about half nine at night. 

My finest hour was getting up on a pool table, by myself, and dancing to Flo-Rida's Low as people cheered. Ordinarily this would get you kicked out of a normal bar but at JPs it was met with applause and 'what the fuck are you doing Chris?' from people who knew me. Nothing more.

One of my oddest memories was a large bald guy standing on the stage [well, a raised piece of ground at the back of the bar] and blowing a huge ball of flame just inches over the heads of everyone dancing. And nothing was said about it- there was a cheer and the party continued. I think this may have happened a few times, it was bizarre

Probably the same guy who goes round bars almost setting folks on fire

. 
Beer towers. The only time I've ever seen multiple beer towers being sold in a bar was at JPs. For those unfamiliar a beer tower is basically a beer tap attached to a a 3ft tower of beer, quite self explanatory. You don't exactly see that in Revolution. Sure it ain't too classy, guys lying down underneath it as a half yard of Tennents is poured down their throat but the weird thing was inititally JPs didn't attract the wrong sort of crowd.  It was stuff like that that set it apart from the Union- the other student bar. They sold crazy stuff like that and booze was still unbelievably cheap. 

It was all going so well. At freshers week it was so much fun- every themed night everyone turned up in full fancy dress. There was karaoke and the sonic animated series on TV and it felt like you could stay there all night, it was a bar-club hybrid. For weeks after it was still the go-to place for nights out. 

So where did it all go wrong? 

Possibly 60p vodka-mix week. It was then I noticed JPs had gained a few more undesirable fans...

These guys were sitting at the table next to us

JPs got kinda well known for it lack of age checking and they tried to shed this reputation. Instead of the high five you'd usually receive at the door with an accompanying 'GET TRASHED TONIGHT LADS OK?!' you'd get an arm in your chest and a giant security guard grunting at you for ID. With that it lost the neds but also half it's customers, 17 year old students who couldn't drink anywhere else. 

After that JPs started to give up a little. They kept talking about re-doing the whole place [about 2 months after it opened] but it never happened. People got less excited about it and instead of me dancing to Flo-Rida on the pool table actual games of pool were played. 

I remember my friend being really stoked to go to JPs for his first night out in town after all he'd heard about it- the beer towers, the table dancing, the madness. What he got when we arrived were about 20 people in there drinking regular price drink with zero atmosphere. Was sad really. 

After that it just disappeared. It did stay open for about a year longer but then people just stopped going and it closed without anyone properly realising. Apparently it got tunred into something called Sanctuary and was recently a Polish bar but they've both closed down too. My friend was saying the building must be cursed. 

JPs will always be my favourite bar though. The closest thing we have now is Campus but I don't think it'll ever have the mad atmosphere JPs- the king of bars- once had. 

The Grand Film Adventure- 26 - 30

Happy Valentines Day, or not if you read this at some other time. Why go out and find love when you can write about films you've watched eehhhhh?

The Lord of The Rings: The Two Towers
The Blues Brothers
Trainspotting
Rain Man
The Good The Bad and The Ugly

The Lord of The Rings: The Two Towers
Usually the biggest shock to people- the fact I've not seen Lord of The Rings. Well now I've seen 2 thirds of it.
It was enjoyable. I had to remind myself what was going on by wikipediaing the first film but I kinda found myself getting into it. To be honest the only storyline I was fully interested in was Frodo, Sam and Golum. The bit in the bog was cool and Golum is just a really intriguing character.
Not entirely sure what was going on with Legolas and the rest of them but when there was action is was done well. Big epic stuff that I've personally seen a few times before but from films made after LOTR. I saw Narnia when it came out for example which took a lot of inspiration from the battle scenes in LOTR so all the elf-slaying done big stylee in The Two Towers had a slightly less impact. Was awesome though, I especially liked the Ents, the trees from The Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs ride with more character.
Everyone says it's better than The Hobbit but I thought it's about the same. Spectacular stuff, just some of it I  didn't particularly care about. 8 outta 10.

The Blues Brothers
What is it with long films on this list? I put the Blues Brothers on thinking it'd be shorter than some of the 'epics' on the list but nope, two and half hours. Two and a half hours well spent though.
The whole film has an odd atmosphere I've not really experienced in a film before. It's all over the top and pretty random kinda like Airplane and it contrasts with the Blues Brothers themselves who are always quite stern and serious.
The music was very catchy, recognized a lot of it from other places. I've had the 'Everybody, Needs Somebody' song in my head for days now, not helped by the fact they play it over and over again at work.
The comedy was also very much to my tastes. Every time that woman tries to kill them got the biggest laughs from me. The car chases as well were hilarious, just for being so over the top and stupid. Can understand why the chase through the shopping mall is so iconic and spawned it's own course on Mario Kart.
It left me smiling and it definitely didn't feel 2 and a half hours. Story could perhaps be improved on or made clearer in places but its not really what the films about. 8 out of 10.

Trainspotting
A nice little view into how some people actually live.
I'm not sure why but I really liked this film. I really shouldn't care about junkies being junkies but for some reason I did. It's maybe because the main character isn't quite as awful as everyone else in the film. Whenever I started to see him going in the right direction, away from it all, I felt happy for him.
The scene where hes in his bed going cold turkey is pretty bloody intense. It's strangely well done though, summing up the complete madness he must be going through under his covers. I'm guessing it's a really hard thing to fully show on screen, the intense mad thoughts going through a recovering drug addicts head when he's trying to get clean. I genuinely felt what it might feel like to be in that situation.
The Begbie character was memorable. The complete nut-case you really don't want to get in the way of. I'm glad how things turned out for him. He represents everything wrong in Mark's life so its satisfying when he's left with nothing going insane by himself.
Interesting and enjoyable [if that's the right word] to get a look into lives so radically different from my own even though people live like that so near. Makes me feel pretty good about my average middle-classness. Disclaimer, my understanding of the class system may differ from yours. 
I think it's as high as a 9. 

Rain Man
Kinda unsure about this one. Had high hopes about this after Kramer vs. Kramer  but this was a very different performance by Dustin Hoffman. A good one, but obviously very different.
The relationship between Tom Cruise and Hoffman is quite nice with how it develops over time and such but it is a bit predictable. As Tom Cruise is introduced as a big money-loving douche at the start it wasn't a huge mystery how it was going to end.
It had its little emotional moments but nothing that really deeply effected me. Maybe it was because the dilemma was over not seeing each other again after a few days as opposed to being over love, life or death.
It was a fun enough ride though as they crossed a bit of America and I felt the frustration of Tom Cruise's character as Raymond kept wondering off or refusing to do things.
The bit when the woman kissed him in the elevator made no sense to me. Why was that there? Not sure it added anything.
Still good- 7 out of 10.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
My first ever [proper] western and as I referenced LA Noire a lot when talking about LA Confidential and stuff I'm going to reference Red Dead Redemption here. It's one of my favourite games  so it was nice to see where a lot of the characters and settings were based on.
It takes its time to get going but it didn't feel like 3 hours which is always a good sign. I really liked the ever changing relationships between The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. The Ugly reminded me of that chubby mexican actor who was in The Last Stand and Journey 2. Luis Guzmán if you're interested. 
And how cool is Clint Eastwood? The scenes where he's close to death really compliment how badass he becomes for the second half of the film.
The finale is tense as hell and I really hoped it'd end in a situation like that. The dramatic looks to increasingly loud trumpets went on for perhaps a little too long but I really liked the ending. Especially the fact that *spoilers?* The Ugly gets to live. He was a complete cock but for some reason half likable. 
I also thought the 'WYEYAYAYEEEEE' was used a little too much. But it is really iconic and the music worked well with the film. 
8 out of 10. I hope other westerns are this good.  

The Disney/Pixar Effect

I just saw Wreck It Ralph hence my mindless praise-fest of Disney.

A blog post that isn't 5 films that came out 10-30 years ago that you don't particularly care about! Lucky you guiz! Still film related though, sorry about that.
If you've been to the cinema with me you'll know I hate other people. I know that sounds a bit pycho-ey but people who talk in the cinema or are oblivious that they are eating their popcorn at 80db seem to follow me about. I think I maybe notice it more than other people. I'm like Dexter in that episode of Dexter's Lab where he gets super-hearing- pretty sure I'm not making that up.

An image of me watching Django Unchained while junkies chat behind me

Something special seems to happen in a lot of Disney/Pixar films though. They have these little moments, often quite sad, that just turn the cinema completely silent. Not even the sound of Fatty up the back polishing off his tray of nachos can be heard. No e-numbered up kids asking what's going on. The whole cinema is totally transfixed on whats happening on screen.

It totally shits on the phrase 'it's just a cartoon'.

I can think of a few of the most powerful examples. I remember seeing Up on opening night, maybe around 7 oclock so a packed out screen of families, couples and 18-year-old Chris and pals up in the back corner. The trailers are on, theres kids squealing, people are talking over the title card and Pixar logo which also irritates me. But 5 minutes later it was if someone had stopped time in the auditorium but let the film play on. Silence. Large bags of popcorn going untouched. Kids not hamming into their £18 bag of pick n mix and instead looking up at the screen mouths wide open. Even my 4 late-teen friends, all guys, are totally absorbed in it, a small tear rolling down the faces of Matthew Lyon and Colin Du Plessis's faces [as much as they'll deny this].

Imagine the sad Up music playing and this is basically a video of the auditorium

It dosn't just happen once in Up either- there's the bit near the end as well when he's sitting near the waterfall- same effect.

Other times it's happened. I went to see Toy Story 3 with a group of rowdy studenty types behind us. Was dreading the film starting as they constantly reminded each other they were watching 'FACKIN TOY STORY ON A FRIDAY NIGHT INSTEAD O GETTIN DRUNK'. And then *spoilaz I suppose* Andy gives away Woody and Buzz forever. They were hypnotised by it, much like the other 300 people watching it with lumps in their throat.

Even re-releases. I saw Monster's Inc in Glasgow a few weeks ago and was sat next to a family with 3 small chatty kids- usually my idea of hell at the cinema. The whole film kept them more or less silent however, it was an amazing thing to witness. You expect kids to enjoy the action bits and physical humor but to keep them quiet for minutes on end as Sully quietly explains that Boo can't come with him? That takes a serious amount of skill.

*sniff*

Disney do it too. Mufasa in the Lion King. The dance scene in Beauty and the Beast. The lanterns in Tangled. And recently Wreck It Ralph after he...yeah i won't spoil it. There was a moment of beautiful silence though in an auditorium filled with what looked like usual film-chatters. Not stereotyping here, but you can sometimes see them coming...the ones who come in loudly 5 minutes into the film all 'Where we sitting? Oh its started?! You got the popcorn? Do we need booster seats? blah-etc'.

I'll never forget that moment in Cars 2 when....oh yeah.
Well that was that moment in Brave when...
Okay Pixar have lost it a bit recently. You could argue Brave had 1 or 2 moments that slightly showcase the 'Disney/Pixar effect' but certainly the last two entries weren't their best.

I'm just glad Disney are stepping up again and producing quality movie after quality movie.

Thank you Disney

I know these movies are for kids but when I watch a Disney or Pixar I feel like I've kind of been thought about more. Unlike films like Madagascar or Ice Age, which are by no mean bad films but are aimed at more less solely at kids, I'm aware Disney/Pixar have spent a little more time on the story, a little more time on making the characters not just likable for children with colours and toilet-humour jokes. They've given them just a little bit more heart. And it's that reason why these little moments happen.

I feel Walt would be proud.

The Grand Film Adventure- 21 - 25

I sometimes feel my new years resolution should have been something more worthwhile than watching 50 films. But meh- films > exercise and eating healthy etc.

Beetlejuice
Terminator
Kramer vs Kramer
Planet of the Apes
LA Confidential

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice isn't actually called Beetlejuice, it's Betelgeuse. Who knew?
My experience of Beetlejuice up to watching this film was him hosting that super-fun monster-rock show at Universal and the awesome kids TV show that used to be on Cartoon Network. I remember my Mum being surprised they made it into a child friendly show.
I can see why now. It's not that graphic but it's one of the strangest films I've ever seen and has a pretty twisted atmosphere about it. The first shock was the couple dying at the beginning and being quite casual about it as they proceeded to severe each others heads and pretend to hang themselves.
I enjoyed it though, once you get into the Tim Burton mindset and accept the oddness of the freaky creatures that are summoned and the madness of Betelgeuse himself it's a fun ride.
Maybe it's just me but I kind of lost track of what level of evil Betelgeuse is. I got the impression he's almost trying to help at the beginning and the other family are the evil ones but by the end scene Betelgeuse is the one both families are trying to stop. S'pose it's kind of a twist.
A more zany entry to the Burton film library but a good one nonetheless. 8

The Terminator

I'm afraid it's going to be another one of those reviews so brace yourself, I didn't love Terminator. But I didn't think it was all that bad either. 

I saw it as a special effects film and I think they only really work if the special effects are cutting edge. In a world where CGI can make things look shockingly real it takes you out of the film's atmosphere when the terminator suddenly becomes stop-motion figure and edges towards Sarah Conner at 3 frames per second. 

That's the other thing, a lot of innocent people die- like every Sarah Connor that isn't THE Sarah Connor. The Terminator just strolls round to their houses and guns them down and any other character that isn't of full use to him. It's somewhat unsettling due to their deaths being a bit pointless. 

The story is clever though and it is constantly exciting even if the action is a bit dated. It has that 80s film-charm where it's clear the pyrotechnics are really there and they're having fun destroying the set. 

If I'd seen it in the 80s it'd be higher but as it is I give it a 7. 

Kramer Vs. Kramer
Another surprise classic that I knew nothing about til I turned the film on on Sky Movies.
A court battle between Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep over who gets to keep their son didn't sound all that rip-roaring but the journey you go on with the father and son is emotionally powerful and fantastically done.
Dustin Hoffman AKA Mr.Bergstraum from The Simpsons comes across as very likable so when he feels sad you feel sad. When he gets continually knocked back you feel genuine disappointment for him. In the court case I found myself really rooting for him and hating every bit of Meryl Streep.
You know a film has done well when you find yourself caught up in something you wouldn't otherwise be that interested in. Every performance, especially Hoffman's is really great and it's a rare instance of a child actor not being really hate-able. He isn't overly cute and overly innocent  he just seems like a genuine kid struggling sometimes to cope with the changes going on. 
Glad I put this on the list. I give it a 9.

Planet of the Apes
Rise of The Planet of the Apes is one of my favourite films ever, top 5 anyway. Was interested to see where it all started.
A little disappointingly as it turned out. For the first half hour there are no apes. It's wondering round a mysterious planet everyone already knows is Earth- its a factor that may have spoilt the film for me seeings as the whole film is based on that twist.
When the apes do appear they do almost the exact opposite of Rise of PotA and talk too much. There's not an awful lot going on visually, its just the apes wondering where he's come from for the next hour. The 'get your hands off me' line is pretty great though, similar to Cesar's 'NOOOOOO' in the film's reboot/prequel.
The last half hour of running away turns into just waiting for him to find the ruined Statue of Liberty which seems to just be lying next to the sea for some reason.
If I'd somehow not heard the twist it'd be a different experience. As it is it's as low as a 5 sadly. It's not aged entirely well.

LA Confidential
A film based on the film Seven and the game LA Noire?! Neat!
I am of course trolling, a few people pointed out in my Seven review that LA Noire and Seven are based on LA crime dramas from the 40s/50s. LA Confidential is in the same boat.
An enjoyable film, there were quite a few characters all introduced at once which confused me a bit but once I got my head round who everyone was the case became really intriguing.
I liked basass Russel Crowe and the snitchy other guy. The fact they're forced to work together at the end was a tiny bit cliche but it couldn't happen any other way.
For some reason the scene in the interrogation rooms with the two black guys stood out to me as being particularly well done. Seeing the two witnesses being grilled and cross examined was tense and when Russel Crowe burst in shit really went down. Gotta love my technical film terms there.
Perhaps a little on the long side for me but I liked the ending. I also prefer just a little more action maybe but I still liked it.
A high 7.