Being Link from The Legend of Zelda isn't really a job though so being a jockey is the next best thing.
I've always quite fancied horse riding. Again this is based solely on playing Zelda, riding across Hyrule Field shooting arrows at monsters and taking Moblins off giant warthogs with my sword. Same in Red Dead Redemption, there's something just very satisfying about riding a horse full pelt across a big area of land. It feels like that in video games anyway so it's presumably exactly the same in real life.
I'm also kinda the right height to be a jockey although its perhaps the only profession where I'd be one of the taller people there. I would also need to lose a bit of weight so the horse isn't all weighed down but I'd just make sure the horse I rode was a big strong one like the one from Animal Farm that gets turned into glue in the end. Spoilers btw.
Then there's the whole race aspect which is hugely exciting. When I watched the Grand National this year I just thought how great it must feel to be that jockey leading the pack feeling smug as hell as he crossed the finishing line. The closest feeling I can imagine to it is being on the winning train on the Grand National roller coaster in Blackpool and I can assure you that's a satisfying feeling.
The Grand National at Blackpool has more in common with the real Grand National than you might think. There's the obvious race similarity, the ride is probably just as rough as actually riding a horse for 20 minutes and judging by Blackpool's track record with their health and safety there's quite a high chance of death as well.
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| Riding a horse- basically the same as going on this ride |
You're not just racing for a laugh either. You ride in the knowledge that 1000s of people have bet money on you to win and if you do you've made their day. You've ruined everyone else's day who didn't bet on you but it's best not to think about them- the people who believed in you are being rewarded.
You get to create a bit of a brand for yourself and your horse as well which could be fun, choosing your colours and stuff. A bit like Pimp My Ride but with horses. I understand the jockey isn't usually the one who owns the race horse, it's usually some millionaire who owns it just because, but I'm sure the jockey must have some say in the matter. I wouldn't be too excited about wearing the bright colours you see the jockeys wearing but everyone else riding would be wearing stupid colours as well so you wouldn't feel too bad. It'd be like at a nudist beach when you forget you're naked because everyone else is as well. Not that I've ever been to an nudist beach.
You'd get to hang out at the race course when you weren't riding too which I think just looks great. All that over the top poshness and women in ridiculous hats. John Mccririck from Celebrity Big Brother would be there to provide a bit of a laugh and then you'd pop up to the channel 4 studio and have a chat with Clare Balding. Living the good life.
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| I'd be rubbing shoulders with high society like this |
I'd try and form a strong bond with my horse as well just like Link and Epona or Attreyu and his horse in The Never Ending Story, even though he only rode him for like 3 minutes in the film [more on that next Grand Film Adventure post]. I dislike that so many horses are given ridiculous names that make no sense. My horse would be called something awesome. The favourite in this year's Grand National was called Sea Bass- why?! How could someone possibly call their horse Sea Bass and think 'yeah that's a good name, very horse like, connotations of speed there'.
So in short- racing would be exciting, I'd get to hang out with posh people and form a bond with a horse. Sounds pretty good to me.
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