5 Jobs I Actually Wouldn't Mind Doing part 3 - Trucker

I might not look like your stereotypical trucker but I think I have certain qualities that would make me suitable for the job. I realise that would be perfect line to start my CV if I for some bizarre reason go down this career path in life.

An image of possible future me sitting on my massive fuck off truck

Driving a lorry. It doesn't sound that exciting until you notice there are at least 3 TV shows on at the moment that deal with the very subject. Ice Road Truckers, Holy Truck! It's Eddie Stobart The Show [I forget it's actual name so that'll do for now] and my personal favourite- Shipping Wars on History.

When their lorries aren't veering off the road or missing deadlines to dramatic music it otherwise just looks so relaxing. Just you, your truck and the open road for miles and miles. I find the trip between Aberdeen and Edinburgh exciting enough- the ripple of excitement as you pass Stracathro services or the Horn.  The tense lane change as you enter Dundee, contemplating whether to stop at Tesco Extra for a sandwich or just carry on. Being a lorry driver would be that but all the time and up and down the entire country. A road trip that is kind of your whole life.

There's also the customisation of the cabin. Cabin. that's probably the word. The place where the driver sits. You often see massive Scotland flags draped across the back wall and little mascots on the dashboard. My cabin would be ridiculous. The Hylian Crest from Zelda would be the entire back wall. As many of the first 150 pokemon as I could fit would be crammed onto the dashboard with an ever changing light show constantly happening all around. Here's what I feel it would look like. At this point I remind you I did an entire module on Photoshop last year.

A Friday night's work ladies and gents

But where will I sleep on these long journeys? There's the next exciting part, you get to camp out all the time- in your truck! My family used to have an awesome Voltswagen campervan that we went round Britain in so it'd be like a throwback to those good old days. Sure I wouldn't be staying in a cosy little campsite in Southsea with a little swimming pool and arcade but once I was down for the night it'd feel the same probably. Then in the morning I'd wake up, drive to the nearest Metro for a full English breakfast and be on my way. I can honestly think of worse holidays- and this is a full time job.

There is the crushing loneliness but apparently you get a thing called a driver's mate who gets paid to sit and chat with you as you drive around the country. I might change this entire blog post to Part-3 Drivers Mate. You get paid to just sit back and talk shit as you see the countryside fly by. Would suck if the person you were stuck with were horrible but imagine if they were good banter. Time would fly by.

Also fact fans- Alan Carr was once a driver's mate, I read it in his book. Or maybe Peter Kay's. Either Alan Carr or Peter Kay have at one time been a driver's mate.

In an ideal world I'd have my own truck and be one of the guys on Shipping Wars, that TV show I mentioned before. If you haven't heard of it the basic premise is a few truckers bid to transport a load from one part of America ton another. Whoever is willing to do it for cheapest gets to travel across America with the shipment and get paid for it- what a job!

Can't even tell if this is shopped, they've shipped weirder things

Being a TV show the loads tend to be interesting rather than saaaaay a palette of canned foods that needs to be transported from Asda in Grimsby to Asda in Cardiff. They get camels and go karts and such like. I'd love to look after a camel for a few days, would be great fun I'd imagine. And the person shipping the item usually gets to have a play with the item they're shipping as well. One guy transported a dance machine across the country for example and got to have a go on it when he got it to the destination. I'm just thinking how weird it would be if the Royal Mail had the same policy, after the postman drops off your new copy of Mario Kart he comes in and plays the Mushroom Cup with you.

And there it is, an entire blog post about trucking without mentioning dogging once, other than this sentence here.

Sure it'd be lonely, cramped and repetitive but there's something weirdly appealing about driving up and down the country for a living and if for some reason I ever own a massive truck I'll consider it as a career option.

Film Reviews: http://elephantchrisfilmreviews.blogspot.co.uk/