Alton Towers: The Big Six Eviction

I went to Alton Towers this year after not visiting since the start of the 2010. I really had forgotten what a wonderful theme park it is even if Hex and some other rides were closed.

After The Smiler drama last year it's nice to see the park slowly returning back to it's usual busy vibrant self. And with SW8 replacing The Flume in 2018 it shows that the future for Towers might not be as bleak as it looked this time last year.

It made me think beyond 2018 and to the park's long-term future. If they were to add a coaster after SW8 (which they will of course) where would it go? With limited space for coaster building and with all coasters ultimately having a shelf-life, which of the big six coasters would likely be sacrificed for a new development?

Here's a list of what coaster is most likely to be scrapped next in the next 5+ years starting with least likely.

6. The Smiler

With it back up and running this year with either the longest to second longest queue in the park I think this would be highly unlikely. The Smiler was such a huge investment for Alton Towers I think they built it with staying power in mind.

More than that- the Smiler looks incredible and is the most modern, polished ride in the park. Hopefully it'll be a good few years before those revolving screens start to break or those bright yellow entrance gates start to fade.

5. Th13teen

Another newer ride and one that still seems quite popular. It's unlikely Merlin would get rid of one iconic coaster (Corkscrew), replace it with this highly themed much advertised coaster than demolish it just over a decade later.

Th13teen seems to get mixed reviews from coaster fans but as a family coaster it works very well.

It's certainly not the most iconic or most intense coaster in the park but with it's relatively low age I'd reckon Th13teen has a good while left in it yet.

4. Nemesis

This is where things start to get tricky. On paper the odds are stacked against what is my favourite coaster in the entire world. It's the oldest of the big 6, clocking in at almost 23 years old. It certainly isn't getting the queues it used to either with it having one of the lowest wait times consistently the day I went.

So why number 4?

Nemesis is iconic- one of the highest praised coasters not just in the UK but around the world. It's status definitely keeps it out of the firing line. Soon I feel it will become an almost heritage style ride- the coaster that reinvented what it meant to be a mega new theme park attraction.

Add to that that the whole landscape is formed around Nemesis- you'd struggle to fit another ride in it's place without a lot of difficulty.

Maybe it is just my bias- but I don't think Nemesis is leaving- possibly even in my lifetime. One can hope anyway!

3. Galactica 

Alton Towers' newest ride- but not really. Galactica is Air- this will never change. Galactica is just an option riders can take to enhance the experience.

Air suffered from a case of 'world-firstitus' in my opinion and isn't the only ride at Alton Towers to have down so. Being the world's first flying coaster is fantastic for a few years as the same cannot be found anywhere on the planet. But then after just a short while this was no longer the case. The new rides based on the same idea were bigger, more intense and utilised the technology even better.

Thus Air became rather dated rather fast. Next to Manta at Seaworld Orlando or Tatsu at Six Flags Magic Mountain Air is a pussycat which is maybe why it was chosen for the VR treatment first.

The thing is though, VR has given Ai..Glactica a little more staying power. In a few years they just have to update the headsets to a new video and they can advertise it as a new attraction again.

The track and coaster-design itself will forever be rather tame however which puts Galactica higher on this list.


2. Rita- Queen of Speed

Rita- favourite of absolutely no one. It's not a bad ride. Just one that's over far too quickly and lacks theming and atmosphere to such an extent it was changed from a prehistoric ride to a dark forest ride between seasons.

In defense of Rita it is still relatively new with it only opening 11 years ago. It also has quite a small footprint and doesn't take up a huge amount of space as it curves round the edges of the dark forest area. I'd struggle to think of a ride that would go exactly in it's place.

That being said though it's anything but iconic and they could tear it down with a minimum of protest. It almost spoils the dark forest theming of the area and it would be nice to see a coaster in there with a similar aesthetic to Th13teen that isn't last minute pasted on.

The new woody is going in place of The Flume in 2018 but it'd still be nice to see something nice and rickety looking over in Dark Forest as well.

1. Oblivion

You know that 'world-firstitus' I mentioned earlier? No ride is riddled with it more than poor old Oblivion.

I love Oblivion- it's a total rush. Unfortunately at this point however is feels just a little more than a drop tower with the actual experience minus lift hill lasting just a couple of seconds. And with better themed and better designed dive-coasters not just in America but also in Europe now I think Oblivion's time may be limited- to the next half decade or so anyway.

The area around it is also a bit concrete feeling and the theming all feels a little dated and faded. The videos and music played in the queue haven't aged overly well either and feel very 90s. The vertical drop used to dominate the area but now with The Smiler at the entrance to X-sector it skulks away in the background.

Towers were thinking about Robocoaster technology a few years ago when they were throwing ideas around for Th13teen I'm pretty sure so I think a coaster of this type would be perfectly suited next to The Smiler. It's just a shame we'd have to say goodbye to what was, at one time, such an intimidating looking coaster.

It also had the shortest queue times the day I went and I don't think it has the same staying power as Nemmy.

The future?

In an ideal world I'd like to keep every coaster at Alton Towers and just see the place get even bigger in size. It'll be an interesting time in the coming years to see what the number 1 UK theme park does to improve and lure guests in with. I'll always look forward to finding out what they've got in the ever changing theme park pipeline.

My Top 10 Favourite Rollercoasters

I like to think of myself as a 'theme park enthusiast' but it's tricky when you live 100s of miles away from any proper rollercoasters that aren't the Looping Star at Codonas or the new one at Landmark.

I did a count though the other night and it turns out I've ridden around 70. Not all of them great of course (the 2 coasters mentioned above count) but the vast majority are all properly great and it made making just a top 10 pretty tricky. 

So much time and effort goes into a good coaster. It's no longer about the novelty of going kinda fast and maybe going round a few loops. It's about creating an experience and an atmosphere; to make you feel a feeling of peak adrenaline while not thrashing you about and making you feel unwell. 

So here's a list of my top 10 favourite coasters I've ever ridden, a list I'll hopefully add to in coming years. 

10. Cheetah Hunt - Busch Gardens Tampa

The fight for the number 10 spot was pretty tight but I think Cheetah Hunt is an example of how smart rollercoasters are starting to get not just in terms of their theming but how they actually move as well.

The most interesting thing about Cheetah Hunt is that it genuinely moves like a cheetah. Ride designers studied how the cheetah moves in the wild and replicated it in the ride- from the three bursts of acceleration to the zig-zagging pattern made by the track in the latter part of the coaster. 

The whole ride looks great as well and is especially scenic as you hurtle through the faux-African planes and rockwork. It's long as well for a launch coaster, moving at top speeds for the best part of 2 minutes. 

It's Busch Gardens's finest and a concept that is being used in other parks now such as Mako at Seaworld Orlando that imitates the movement of a shark. 

9. Space Mountain: Mission 2 - Disneyland Paris

People often see Disneyland Paris as a Disney park on a smaller scale but in the case of many of their rides it's simply not the case. Space Mountain Mission 2 is an example of a ride far superior to it's American cousins. 

It's not got the fastest launch in the world but the confined space and epic scale of the launch tunnel makes it feel far more intense. From there you're immersed in one of the most spectacular looking environments found in any ride. The ride tears around holograms of planets and asteroids and pulls off a few inversions which is impressive for such a tight enclosed space. 

It's also a case of on-ride audio getting put to good use with the music getting faster and more intense as the ride continues to it's pretty spectacular finale of twisting red neon lights. 

It's a king of dark rides and the perfect evolution of the original concept of what a space mountain ride should be like. 

8.Stampida - Portaventura

Stampida is an example of a modern wooden coaster done incredibly well. It feels rickety and out of control and is laid out in a chaotic way so the coaster is constantly weaving in and around itself. The ride just looks very busy with lots going on which adds to the excitement. 

What makes Stampida really stand out however is the racing element. The fact you're also racing another coaster just adds to the mad nature of the ride and it's clever how they've managed to fit 2 entire coasters in a small space. It's also not a case of one track just running parallel with the other- after a while each coaster goes its separate way and then they interact with one another before eventually coming back together for the race to the finish. 

Sure it's a little rough but with it being a woodie it kind of needs to be. It also fits in well to the Wild West area of Portaventura and I'd struggle to think of anything else that would better in it's place.

7. Saw- The Ride - Thorpe Park

It's not often a rollercoaster is centered around the theme of 'we are going to murder you on this ride' yet here's Saw- The Ride, where there's blood splattered up the walls of the queue and there's a dead body lying under part of the track.

In all seriousness though Saw-The Ride is intense- both in terms of it's extreme horror theming and as a forceful coaster. I love a coaster that starts with a dark section and Saw has probably the best first few seconds of any coaster I've ridden. You're immediately plunged down a near vertical drop and into tunnel of darkness, swinging blades and shot guns. And then a heartline roll over the aforementioned dead body- it's definitely not one for the family.

The outside coaster section is where the forces kick in and the layout is unpredictable and twisty as you're pulled in every direction after that iconic first drop over the Saw blades.

A truly mental coaster and shows that theme parks are definitely not just for the kids.


6. Superman: Escape From Krypton - Six Flags Magic Mountain

Sometimes it's good to experience just what a coaster can do in terms of incredible speed and G-force. Superman: Escape is a former record breaker in the categories of top speed, acceleration and max height. And it's incredible.

I rode this backwards in 2014 not expecting much- it's just a straight forward launch coaster after all. But it really needs to be ridden to understand the hype. It goes without saying but yes- it's bloody fast. You really do feel the difference between this and say Stealth at Thorpe Park or Rita at Alton Towers. And then after the initial launch you find yourself in a weird state of free-fall at 400ft facing straight down at the park below you.

There's not much more to add about Superman. It's just an intense G-force machine that pushes the limits of what a coaster can do.


5. The Swarm - Thorpe Park

The UK theme park industry has come on leaps and bounds in the last decade or so. There's been theme parks in the UK for a long long time but many tend to just be an extension of the classic sea-side funfair and are incomparable to the theming at saaay Disney World or Universal over in the states.

You could find The Swarm in any American mega-park and it wouldn't look out of place. It's a worldclass ride both in terms of the spectacular theming and a forceful thrilling ride itself.

Merlin have nailed the 'apocalypse' atmosphere of the ride that get's it's own entire area of the park. The theming isn't just shoved away to the side either with a lot of the scenery providing large set-peices for the ride experience. The still smoking  crashed aeroplane and wrecked billboard are the best 2 head-choppers of any coaster I've ridden.

It's the best themed ride in the UK and a promising look as to the direction and effort Merlin will be putting in to future rides.


4. Expedition Everest - Disney's Animal Kingdom

If you can't tell already- I quite like my theming. It can completely make a ride. So if The Swarm is the best themed coaster in the UK I'd have to say Expedition Everest is the best themed coaster in the world.

Expedition Everest might be the ride that turned me into a bit of an enthusiast and really made me want to travel over to America so I could experience rides of this caliber. I remember in 2006 watching a POV of the ride on Google Video and not quite believing such a beautiful ride existed. This wasn't just a roller coaster- it was a full on adventure story in an incredible setting.

Even as a fully grown adult that mountain looks authentic. The area is completely immersive and absolutely stunning with it's cascading waterfalls and snowy peaks.

It tells the story of the yeti chase in such a brilliant clever way that starts slow and just ups the excitment and pace as it goes on. From the trick-track at the top of the mountain to the animatronic grand finale there's not a single moment of slow down.

I look forward to seeing if Disney will ever top this coaster in terms of both scale and beauty.


3. X2 - Six Flags Magic Mountain

X2 at Six Flags Magic Mountain is coaster innovation at its finest. It reinvents the very art of making a great coaster by adding a completely different dimension to the ride - ride cars that move independently to the whole coaster train. It's a tricky concept to even visualize yet it pulls it off flawlessly. All this from a ride built in 2002.

The first drop is the most intense of any coaster I've ridden. The way this coaster is designed allows for a full on vertical skydive to start the ride followed by a backflip that launches you straight back into the air. Other highlights include another backflip over an airtime hill and a backwards loop that just wouldn't be possible on any other type of coaster.

I remember seeing the ride on Rollercoaster Tycoon 2 and completely failing to understand how the ride could possibly work. Experiencing it in real life made me realise how well the idea of a multi-dimension coaster does work and made me appreciate how hard it would be to create a coaster that used the technology effectively.

I sadly didn't experience it with on board audio and fire effects but I'd imagine they just make the ride even better. It's a masterpiece in the coaster hall of fame.


2. Shambhala - Portaventura 

There's a vlogger on youtube called Shawn Sanbrooke that went on about how good this ride is and constantly calls it his favourite coaster in the world. From youtube videos and pictures I didn't really see the big deal- it kinda just looks like another Big One at Blackpool. Rides are more about just a big drop now right?

Shambhala is a coaster that really needs to be ridden to be appreciated.

Held in with the world's most comfortable yet sketchy looking restraint of just a clasp over your thighs your taken up a satisfyingly quick lift hill and through one of the smoothest rides to be found in any theme park ever. And because there's no clunky over the head restraint in place you feel totally free as you soar through the air next to the incredible looking Mediterranean coast.

It's not just about that first drop either. The clever figure-eight turn more than 100ft in the air, the impressive looking water splash and the powerful airtime hills make every second of this coaster a hugely enjoyable experience.

It's a ride I could sit on all day and not feel at all uncomfortable on. It's the original coaster concept of leaping the dips but done in 2012 to an absolute perfect level.


1. Nemesis - Alton Towers

Nemesis is the ride that really explained to me how a rollercoaster can create an atmosphere and tell a story not just through scenery but through actual coaster design. Every inversion or banked turn is positioned where it is for a reason and not just haphazardly thrown in because loops + turns = a good ride. Nemesis is for me the perfect rollercoaster experience.

I first rode Nemesis back in 2007 when I was still getting into big rides. I'd had a great day in Alton Towers riding Oblivion, Rita, Air etc. Me and my friend left Nemesis until the end and it just felt...different. All the other rides were great fun and got my adrenaline pumping but Nemesis was almost like a work of art in the way it cut into the landscape the way it did and worked so well with it's extreme surroundings of steep rock faces and blood red waterfalls.

Once Nemesis takes hold it really never lets go. From the deceptively long first drop you enter that first corkscrew which provides just enough slow-down to set you up for the intense acceleration that builds up in the next section of the ride. You're literally thrown round that next helix and continue to build speed as you plunge through a tunnel and twist seamlessly into a barrel roll. After that is the intimidating vertical loop that seems to last forever before another series of tunnels, turns and a genius hidden corkscrew in an impossibly tight space.

Rides can cost  hundreds of millions dollars, break all kinds of records and add as much scenery and effects as they want. But is the actual design of the ride itself isn't up to scratch it'll always look weak compared to what I still call my favourite ride in the world even after trips over to America and Europe. Nemesis at Alton Towers.

Top 10 Films I watched in 2015

It's been a big year in the film world. 2015 saw films that had been talked about for years, in some cases decades, release in cinemas and they have done so to big acclaim for the most part. I love a blockbuster, I'm a pretty crappy critic to be honest. I like explosions, big budgets and cheese. 2015 had all of that in abundance.

Honorable mentions: Mad Max Fury Road, Mission Impossible 5, John Wick and Ant Man. They come highly recommended.

To the countdown!

10. The Night Before

Very rarely do comedies make this list but The Night Before took me by surprise. I can give or take Seth Rogan films but the Night Before really surprised me with how genuinely funny it was. More than that though it had a load of heart and some lump in throat moments. It's everything that makes a Christmas film a year-after-year watch and I look forward to seeing it next festive season as well. 

9. Avengers: Age of Ultron 

A shame that Age of Ultron appears so far down on the list this year. It didn't blow me away like The first Avengers or even some of the recent Marvel films- but it was still a lot of fun and the action was as explosive and well choreographed as you come to expect from Marvel. It was certainly big- perhaps maybe a little over-stuffed. 

8. Big Hero 6

Good ol' Disney, giving us yet another new-renaissance classic in the form of Big Hero 6. Baymax obviously steals the show and is an adorable character. The fact it's a solid super hero movie as well makes it even better. It also provided some of the coolest cosplay I saw at Glasgow Comic Con this year like the girl who dressed as the roller disk girl. Well done her. 

7.Spectre

It's not as good as Skyfall! It isn't! Look how it isn't Skyfall! True. But it's still one of the finest action films of the year. The stunts are what really stood out in Spectre- everything else was good but not aaass good as what has been done previously. The best bit for me was the first 10 minutes with that spectacular Day Of The Dead sequence. It also ends well- Bond just always seems best when he's on home soil. 

6. Fast and Furious 7

Spectre had good believable stunts. Fast and Furious 7 had ridiculous phenomenal stunts. And feels. Sure it all happens in a world of twisty physics and cheesey dialogue but it's still held together coherently and is Hollywood escapism at it's finest. It's a thrill ride in a cinema screen. The Abu Dhabi sky scraper scene had me smiling ear to ear. 

5. The Kingsman Secret Service

Didn't see this coming. The Kingsman feels like Kick-Ass crossed with Alex Rider which is a combination that works fantastically. It's shocking, funny and very exciting- the parachuting scene is incredibly tense. Colin Firth is great, so is Sam L Jackson as the villain. I look forward to many a sequel.

4. The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2

A great ending to one of my favourite film series in modern film. Whereas in part 1 where not an awful lot happens- a lot happens in part 2 both in terms of action and story. It went in a direction I really wasn't expecting and took some really shocking twists and turns which I feel really paid off. It's a film with a message and that message is expressed successfully through what has felt like a tough-going but enjoyable journey.


3. Inside Out

This is top tier Pixar up there with Wall E and Toy Story 3. It's a brilliant idea and even though it's kind of been done before, Pixar really get the idea right. Should have known a film all bout emotions would indeed make me feel emotions. While the little adventure with Joy and Sadness is good fun it's the emotional moments that really make Inside Out stand out from other animated films. It's what Pixar do best and Inside Out is an absolute showcase for them.


2. Jurassic World

'It had it's flaws', I heard people say after watching. I honestly couldn't care less- It was a film that in my mind captured the tone and excitement of the original Jurassic Park and turned it into a bigger budget spectacle for the modern audience. It was paced nicely, had fun characters and had exactly what you'd want to see from a Jurassic Park film made 22 years on- Dinosaurs f***ing shit up on a massive scale. It was cheesy but as said previously I love cheese- especially in a film that made me smile and make me feel as nostalgic as this one. 

1. Fantastic Four

LOLLE JK i didn't even see it. But seriously-


1. Star Wars: The Force Awakens

We waited years- the hype train was very much on track and steaming along since 2013. And somehow it passed expectations. It felt very Star Wars but more than that it just felt like a really movie. The new characters are brilliant and the returning characters are used well while not being smooshed into your face screaming 'LOOK! IT'S LIKE OLD TIMES!'. The biggest complaint from people was it was too similar to a New Hope. When a film is compared to one of the greatest films of all time is that really a bad thing? Plus it added a lot to the Star Wars universe and I can't wait to see the new trilogy expand it even further. Star Wars came back with a bang this year in a film I would describe as the best in the entire franchise.



Thank you 2015. It's been a year where nostalgia has played a big role in creating some movie magic as well as films being great in their own right.

It's a big super hero year this year. I wonder how many will make it onto 2016's list.