Florida's Top 5 Worst Attractions (I went on)

If you've spoken to me you'll know how much I enjoyed Florida. Orlando is, in my opinion, the king of theme parks. The majority of all the rides in every park are mind blowing.
But you really don't care about that, infact I'm glad your even still reading.
For all the amazingness there is the occasional ride or show that makes you think 'wow, why the hell is this here?'
I counted and we must have covered over 100 rides and shows while we were away. So now I bring you

Florida's Top 5 Worst Attractions! (That I went on) (But I did go on basically everything)

5. One Man's Dream (Disney's Hollywood Studios)
We went on this to fill time before Fantasmic. I expected a museum of Disney stuff, which I got and was all very nice. Uneventful next to every single other thing in Hollywood Studios but still, interesting enough.
Then came the unskippable movie.
Instead of the exit theres a movie theatre, one you might even see a pre-show in. It was like the attraction was in reverse.
 I was quite optimistic to be honest. In Paris we saw this really touching montage of a lot of Disney films to music in a similar attraction.
What we got was information about Walt Disney that had nothing to do with Mickey, films or Disneyland in general. It came in dribs and drabs but for a 20 minute film (I think) we got an awful lot of info about the type of farm Walt lived on and what the war was like and not a lot about the most amazing place on earth.
Not the worst thing in the world but hugely out of place amongst all the action. After constant explosions it feels a bit like school.

4.Timbuktu  (Busch Gardens)
As you approach Timbuktu in Busch Gardens it looks pretty cool. Awesomely themed and games at the entrance in a bizarre.
The rides though. Number one was a swinging ship that went all the way upside down and for some mad reason we thought it would be fun to ride. The first flaw is when the restraint comes down so hard on your chest you can very barely breathe. The next is the unstoppable rush of blood to the head as it stays upside down for prolonged periods of time
"how can we make this ride fun boss"
"put it upside down but like leave it there"
"won't that kinda hurt the riders? With the lack of breath and blood rush and..."
"just hide it away next to loads of other average rides, it'll be fine"
A row of fat woman willing to sit on you while you hang your head of the end of a bed would give you the same thrill that ride gave us and would save Busch Gardens a lot of money.
They also have a wild mouse that does not spin and has no theming whatsoever. It begs the question why bother putting it there at all

3.The People Mover (Magic Kingdom)
A mini monorail type ride that leads you round in a circle and details things you can clearly see for yourself.
It does take you inside space mountain though. The thing they forgot though is that space mountain is more or less in complete darkness- so what you get is 2 minutes of being totally in the dark before you come out the other end.
I want to speak more about it but that is all it is. I'm trying to imagine it being futuristic when the park opened but even then, things like The Haunted Mansion existed then- the same thing but with ghosts and actual things.
At least its the only thing in Disney that feels a bit dated nowadays...

2.More or less all of Epcot
I lied. Future World in Epcot is just a mess of concrete and quite startling compared to everything else at the other parks.
World Showcase is pretty cool. It isn't a theme park but its relaxing and feels pretty authentic.
Concrete future world though! Spaceship Earth- millions of dollars worth of anamatronics posed to read books and stare at TV screens. What does Spaceship Earth even mean, Earth is not a spaceship, its Earth.
Ellen Degeneress's Lesbian Dinosaur Adventure (Universe of Energy) sounds hilarious until the ride attendant repeatedly tells you the ride is 45 minutes of  stationary screens. Even the huge shows at Disney don't last 45 minutes, and this is a slow ride past Ellen Degeneress playing Jeopardy.
Captain EO. Why is it there. Most 3D theatres now take you totally by surprise with their effects. You don't know how the floors moving or where the waters coming from. Captain EO places a hose in front of your face and huge springs under your seat. I know it's old but if it feels dated and that surely means it should be replaced by something better. A large public toilet for example. Or a sequel to the Ellen Degeneress ride.
There is a ride in Epcot so awful however it deserves the number 1 spot all to itself

1.Living With The Land AKA THE SEED RIDE
Me and Matthew board a boat into a dark looking rainforest, ominous plants looming over us everywhere. The suspense to find out what is coming up is quite high. Nothing happens. We enter a dessert, looking for anamatronic camels or such. Nothing. We start to wonder if this ride is broken. We enter more rooms with not an awful lot going on while a man talks at length about farming. At least we see lights in the distance, its only a 5 minute ride.
The light is coming from a greenhouse. A massive greenhouse our boat will slowly sail round for another 10-15 minutes.
Surely there should be a warning on how boring the seed ride is. Putting it on a boat just emphasises the fact you can't get off.
I heard you can also go on a tour of the greenhouses after the ride. People must do this seeings as it exists and this startles me. Sure some people think gardening is fun but they are in DISNEY WORLD! There are so many one of a kind things there, why look at plants.
It's Disney's version of a garden centre- without an awesome little pet store or cafe with toasties and scones.


The bad rides as much as they were boring did create stories. I just can't help but feel Epcot would be much better for something else. If i ever work for Disney I'll put something much cooler, most likly dinosaur related, in its place.