This Sausage Could Kill Your Children

It was the moment I uttered 'what is the target demographic of your sausage' any dignity I still had melted away.
I study journalism at RGU and today I had my first Press Conference where some PR students pretended to be Asda and a Sausage Company and us journalists had to ask why their meat was killing children.
I was fairly stoked, suited and booted with my team 2 hours before it even began. I thought there may be an issue when I realised the chance of innuendo was pretty high with all this talk of sausages but as soon as we got going the immature side of my head switched off.
It was down to business, filling notebooks with scribbles I knew kinda looked impressive and journalismy (the irony of me using the word journalismy while studying journalism is another level of irony).
At 4pm the PR people came and it was like nothing I'd experienced. People already uncomfortable in suits squirming even more uncomfortably when they were asked questions they had no answers for. Fellow journalists getting cut off mid sentence by a no-shit PR student who would beat any one of us down (ooh err missus) if we spoke out of line. Journalists getting carried away and demanding the PR students ,who had most likely had a night in exo the night before and were heading to their part time job at Costa after class, admit the blood of these imaginary people were on their hands.
It was awkward and tense with an air of passive aggressiveness throughout.
A dream situation.
There were some truly incredible quotes. The reply to my previous sausage question was 'anyone who enjoys a delicious pastry and meat snack' or something similar. The same guy just minutes later came out with 'I have a degree in micro-biology' to which his mates at the back just roared with laughter, bringing the whole room back to reality.
You could tell the PR class had been given lines to say to make us look stupid.
'How many of the casualties are children?' I ask the doctor on the panel feeling chuffed. This is my chance to turn the story into something else, blaming the company for killing children..
'As said previously we cannot disclose information about the casulties'
'As said previously'
Basically 'What I'm going to do is make it look like you haven't been listening and say this has already been addressed. Fuck you Chris Martin from Channel 5 News. Fuck you.'
We got to interview them after which was less fun, then headed down to Asda to see how close we could get to the store without security telling us we couldn't film.
Twas a character building experience. The finished article will probably look quite good with quotes about hard facts and such.
What I'm looking forward to more is the outtake reel. The look on the Uni Technicians face when he dropped his phone, fecking up every ones sound is one I would save as my laptop screensaver if I could.